Two 14 year old teens think they're ready

I just put up a post on today's virginity movement and how I find there to be too much focus on abstinence only sex education. I spoke about how I do indeed value the choices of those who choose to remain abstinent and hope that those choices reflect one's own deep thoughts and considerations rather than the oh so often shaming pressures of parents and community leaders.

I also think that those who do engage in sexual activity, particularly women are often shamed as well. Women in particular receive pressure from opposite sides of the spectrum. There is pressure from our pornographic culture and pressure from extreme conservative religious right. I explained that as a Christian feminist disagree with the pressures given from both of those sides.

Below I am placing an old post that speaks to young teens that feel they are ready to have sex. For all I know these teens could have had sex prior to the show. Who knows. But they claim they have talked about the decision of having sex at length. I applaud them as not many kids, teens or adults do this prior to the actual act.

Earlier this year I viewed an episode of the Oprah show with "sex expert" Dr. Laura Berman.
The show's topic was about two 14 year olds that are in a relationship and feel that they are ready to have sex.

But first there was a recap from the previous show. Some viewers were outraged with the fact that Dr. Berman said that children should be taught about the pleasures of masturbation. She said, "When the time comes, she's that much more likely to make those healthy decisions since she feels good about who she is as a sexual person and not just give away that gift to anybody—the first time or any time."
I agree.

The 14 year olds...I've got to say were veeeery brave. I wished Oprah had asked them why they wanted to appear on the show. I can only imagine what their friends are saying.



According to one study 78 percent of girls who have had intercourse have not used condoms—and 56 percent say they used no birth control at all.

The two kids Courtney and Pierce say that they are in love and have done everything except for intercourse. They seemed like very sweet kids and genuinely seem happy with each other.

One mother gave her son condoms. She put them in her son's drawer. She wasn't encouraging him but wanted to make sure he was protected. Although, it seems that she never really had a talk with him but just slipped them in his drawer. I think that was a very poor way of handling it.



Dr. Berman asked the couple how long they planned on being together. Pierce said a long time. But when prodded further Pierce said 6 months to a year. Courtney seemed shocked. Dr. Berman then asks Courtney if she would still want her first time to be with Pierce. "Well, I think if he limited our relationship to only being six months, I don't think so," she says. "I thought a long time [was] not having an expiration date."

Many girls Courtney's age feel the same, Dr. Berman says. "When you feel this much love and this much connection, you are imagining forever," she says.

Dr. Berman also wants to make sure Courtney and Pierce have thought through the emotional changes that come with sex. "The first time, it comes with intense emotions, intense feelings—especially afterward," she says.

Questions Dr. Berman says they need to consider are:

• What does this mean for who I am as a person?
• What does this mean for my body?
• What does this mean for my relationship with this person?
• What happens next?
  

If they do have sex, have Courtney and Pierce discussed their expectations for how frequently it would happen. "It's not really up to me," Pierce says. "It's her decision how often she wants to continue doing it, so I don't really have a choice."

Good answer, Dr. Berman says. "She's got to consent. That's good," she says. "That's part of the conversation as well."

I didn't like that Pierce felt that the decision would be up to Courtney only. I like that he is respecting her but at the same time it seems to imply that they will not really consider both of their feelings. And it seems to suggest that Pierce would be ready for sex at all times.

Pierce has never used a condom but figures he can figure it out. He didn't take into consideration that most reasons condoms break are because people don't put it on right.

Dr. Berman asked the couple if they had discussed what would happen if they were to get pregnant. You know what's sad? I think many ADULT couples do not discuss what they would do if they were to get pregnant.



Pierce says that if Courtney became pregnant it'd be up to her to decide what to do. Courtney says she doesn't think about it as it is too scary for her.

In fact, one-third of girls in the United States are pregnant by the age of 20—which is why Dr. Berman says it's a possibility Courtney needs to face. "You have to go down that path and think about it."

The couple say that they know about STDs as their school has supposedly prepared them for it.

"[Parents saying], 'Don't do it' doesn't work. It's just like putting your head in the sand," Dr. Berman says. "It's important for you guys to be having these conversations with them, ideally from a much earlier age."



Having considered all Dr. Berman's questions, are Courtney and Pierce still ready to have sex?

"Yeah, I think I'm still ready," Pierce says.

But Courtney isn't so sure. "I'm slowly getting talked out of it," she says.
The whole audience gave her a standing ovation!!!


Questions from Dr Berman

• Why do you want to take it to the next level now?
• How long do the two of you plan to stay together?
• Are you prepared for the emotions you might feel afterward?
• Have you talked about condoms?
• Are you prepared with two forms of birth control?
• Have you talked about what happens if you get pregnant?
• Do you understand sexually transmitted diseases?
• Are both of you absolutely sure that neither one of you has been with anyone else sexually in any way?
  

Why is it that so many do not discuss sex prior to having it? Does it kill the mood? Is it too uncomfortable? Is it a nuisance to have to discuss it with every new sexual partner one encounters? I say, so what?