Why a hook-up culture?

This is an old post that I am transferring to this blog

Earlier this year Oprah aired a "Best Life Week" series where she addressed various issues such as health, spirituality, finance, and sexuality. In one episode she addressed sexuality and the kinds of things that were discussed on the show is the kind of dialogue regarding love and intimacy that I think need to occur more regularly in our society.

Unfortunaately it is not promoted in our pro-casual sex, and anti-love society. We live in a culture that screams "hook-up" and does not promote insight, introspection and love. This is not to say that love does not exist, but if we were to live our lives in accordance to the messages spewed by the media we'd never discover true intimacy.

Of course the media does not have to control us, however it is everywhere. And just when I think that it would be oh so ridiculous for any large population to adhere to it.....just turn on the tv! Reality shows about hooking up, impressing a member of the same or opposite sex through personal exploitation. It happens so often that I think, like a lot of things in life we become numb to it. I often find it sick and although, I live my life quite differently from what the media offers, sometimes I just feel so overwhelmed by it all. Is anybody with me?

So, where and when and how does the "hook-up" culture begin? Everyone is different and I have no clue as to how often the "average individual" examines their past, present and current choices regarding sexuality. But what if we really sat down with ourselves and did? What would we find?

I personally cannot be involved intimately with someone unless I am in a relationship with them. I need to be with someone who understands my joys and fears, has compassion for them, and wants me to grow as a human being. A person who wants to build a partnership.

It seems that many people engage in sexual intimacy because it's pleasurable and it is a natural urge/desire. But for me it is also an extension of trust, commitment, appreciation and love. I can't do something that vulnerable with someone who doesn't get it! That's just not me. It never has been. Even in my teens when I was beginning to enter relationships with men I always felt that there was no point unless the goal was intimacy and longevity.

Understand that my goal is not to shame those who have had casual encounters or who make choices that are different from my own. I am merely venting about the issue I take with our society and I am encouraging introspection.

Notice earlier I said that it would benefit us to examine our choices regarding "SEXUALITY"....not "sex".
I'd like to add here that our pro-casual sex culture only gives us a narrow and in my view, conservative description of what sex and sexuality can be. It is limited in possibilities. Sexuality can include personal time without a partner, the absence of sex itself (however you define it), discussions regarding the emotions and act of sexual behavior, a person's voice, walk, casual touch, gaze, the list goes on and on and on.....and on.

I very feel adamant about how important it is to have a man who respects a woman's sexuality rather than just going along for the ride (And visa versa). I choose men that do not feel that it is too much for them, too intense, too much work to do so.

However, in the media, how often do we see positive examples of men and women as compared to the opposite? Men who are in support of their women and in support of their relationships need to speak out!!!

"LOVING SEXUAL INTIMACY...EXPRESSES CARE AND APPRECIATION. IT IS MUTUAL GIVING, NOT TAKING. IT IS AN AREA IN WHICH INDIVIDUALS NUTURE EACH OTHER RATHER THAN EXPLOIT EACH OTHER. IN LOVING SEXUAL INTIMACY, SEXUAL PARTNERS ARE NOT INTERCHANGEABLE. THEY ARE UNIQUE IN THEIR HISTORIES, APTITUDES, STRUGGLES AND JOYS. THEY EMPATHIZE, THEY ARE INTERESTED IN EACH OTHER, THEY USE PHYSICAL INTIMACY TO DEEPEN THEIR EMOTIONAL INTIMACY..THEY ARE COMMITED TO GROWING TOGETHER."
--------------Heart of the Soul by Gary Zukav