How Did I Become a Stereotypical Feminist?

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 Anti-feminist men and women are probably eager to read about how I may potentially admit to the wrong doings of feminism. Those who are pro-feminist are probably filled with grit as they think I am biting the dust. I am simply...talking.

Whether I have truly become a stereotype is up for debate but the idea doesn't particularly bother me. Recently, The larger point is that there is a stigma against not only feminism, but against the what is considered to be stereotypical of feminists.

I won't be speaking to male feminists in this piece.

Below is the list of stereotypes that I can attribute to myself. An unfortunate truth, is that women who connect to these statements are often under scrutiny and there is no exploration as to why a woman might feel this way. The details are lost or are not willing to be heard. 

1) I don't wish to marry
The judgements that are often attached with marriage-free relationships are deeply imbedded. Many believe that marriage is a natural progression of a relationship and that one is not truly committed unless they have a marriage license.

How old is the average person, when they first think about marriage? In kindergarten I had a vague concept of marriage, as did many children around me. I didn't truly pause until I entered my first romantic relationship, in high school. I felt that there was no point to being in a relationship unless I was going to be in it for the long haul. I've carried this thought, ever since.

For years I envisioned a simple wedding; most likely a city hall wedding. Eventually I came to the conclusion that even with the hope and desire and all the work that goes towards a, "forever", marriage is essentially an impossible promise. My logic, is that two can be married without being married. To live together, love each other, and be devoted, without the government defining love and a relationship.


2) I don't want children.
Again, it was in high school that the fleeting, flickering idea of children came to me. I didn't want children and didn't focus on why. I just knew that I didn't want kids. So many told me that my mind would change when I turned, 30. I'm 32 and I do not want children. In fact the older I get, the more adamant I am about not wanting children.

There are many who believe that a person who doesn't want children is arrogant and selfish and simply needs to stop the party and start being irresponsible. Well, I'm not a wild child and I'm not arrogant. It would be wrong of me to have a child, just because it is common place. That's plain and simple, isn't it? As far as being selfish -- well sure. Almost anything can be an act of selfishness. Reading a book, listening to music, offering a hug.

If I had that biological pull to have children, then I would have children. I don't, and therefore I do not desire children. Another quick assumption is that those who do not want children, must dislike children. I have worked with kids and have enjoyed that work. In the past I have worked at a behavioral agency, a group home, youth shelter, and a foster kid agency. Kids are brilliant beings and parents are superheroes. I just don't care to be a superhero. I am okay being me.


3) I don't wear make-up
I wore lipstick and eye shadow from the ages of 15 to 17. I ditched lip stick and wore eye shadow, eye liner, and glitter from age 17 to 20. That concluded my romp through the land of makeup. Make up isn't necessarily, evil. There are some women who depend on it or feel naked without it. I was one of those women. There are some who are pressured to "put on their face", or else they will be unappealing to others.

Make up can be quite artistic and creative and I'm not knocking it. I own a few true red lipsticks, which I think look great on the lips of people like Dita Von Teese or Gwen Stefani. While they rest in my drawer, I've feel very clownish whenever I've tried them on in the privacy of my own bathroom. Just as a woman who wears make up, may feel naked without it; I in turn felt uncomfortable with it on.


4) I speak up for gay rights, so much, that people assume I'm a lesbian.
I advocate for rights of the LGBTQIQ community. Being that I am a woman, a feminist and a person who speaks up and out about LGBTQIQ rights, it has been assumed that I am gay or bi-sexual. Strange that a woman cannot speak up without being put into a category that does not belong to her.


5) I use the words Patriarchy and Feminism A LOT.
In conversation, I often sneak the words patriarchy or feminism into the discussion. When I use these words, a part of me is wondering if the person in front of me is beginning to tune out, clench, or are about to roll their eyes.

What I believe needs to be understood, is that patriarchy is all around us and the least that we can do as people, is acknowledge it. If you are a person of color, most likely you notice racism in every day life. If you are gay you notice homophobia, more than the average person. Being that I am female I notice and feel the effects of patriarchy. I notice oppression in most forms on a daily basis, but being that I am female, I FEEL the effects, directly. Hence, the language I use.


6) I speak to the dangers of men more so than the wonders of men
I often say that one of the reasons I am a feminist is because I love men. I want men to be their authentic selves, whatever that picture may look like. Authenticity cannot exist when it is draped by patriarchy. Men are our lovers, brothers, fathers, uncles, cousins, friends, co-workers, political figures, religious figures and strangers among us. They are an important part of our lives. Don't we want what is best for our neighbors? I cannot speak to the details of what is best for someone else. I can however say with confidence, that we cannot be free, until sexism is removed from our spirits.


7) Sexism saddens me, and my sadness is mistaken for outrage.
It is often said that feminists are angry and militant. When a person presents themselves as sexist, I go straight to sadness. Anger is usually lost on me. I acknowledge, however, that anger is an appropriate response to patriarchy.

If you dislike the idea of women feeling angry towards you, perhaps it is time to think about why. Rather than writing us off as the death of tradition; why not ask yourself why anger would play a role in a woman's life. Once you acknowledge this, find out what you can do to work within feminism. Makes sense?

Women are corralled like cattle and told how they are to live their lives. We are told how we should feel about beauty, sexuality, health, faith, family, love, attraction, money, strength, talent, rape, violence and so much more. If you tell a woman what she should do, she'll be confused about what she can and can't do.

Call me a stereotype if you want, but if you are the one throwing names around, perhaps you need to ask yourself if you fall into a stereotype. ANY stereotype. Do you think it's fair?