Nervous. Tired. Makes me emotional and unusually weird. I some how thought I'd be soothed by Whole Foods? Nah, I just made a stop but not really knowing where I was wandering. In a haze. So, there I am at the checkout with Pineapples, Purple Carrots, Cucumbers, Rambutans, and Coconut Water. Um. Yeah. The cashier looks unfamiliar to me. I hear the guy telling the woman he's ringing up, that it's his second day working there. The woman says, "Congratulations! " This made me feel good inside to know a person would congratulate someone for starting a new job. I almost got a little teary. Told you. Emotional. When it was my turn to pay, I saw a sign posted that said he is a new employee, so please be patient. Does that make things better or worse for him? It was as if he were in a cage, and we were all spectators, looking at a sign that said "don't feed the bear." Drove home, thinking about how grateful I am to have the right to vote. Thought about a person whom I convinced to vote for the first time. She's 32 and has never voted. She was kind of lax about it, but she became increasingly excited about it as the day moved forward one foot after the other. She's going to earn that sticker that we all love so much. The last thing she said to me was, " I'm going to wear that thing with pride!" THAT definitely prompted some tears. She didn't see them come so don't tell her. Time to take a shower, turn on the telly, and clench. Here we go.
I don't know how to go into work today. I would have called out, but how obvious the reason would be. I can't stop crying. I can't show up to work crying. I can't show up to work looking as though I've been crying. I can't show up to work looking as though I will cry. I will be crying. I don't know how to do this. What do we do?
To those who feel that today is just an "aaw" of a day, or a "wow, that trump guy got it" To those who this early think "we just need to accept it", or ask why I'm still upset by the end of the week, or who will judge me for not turning a new leaf on Monday, have some respect.
I remember when Obama won the first election. I believe it was TIME magazine that had a stoic and I believe humble photo of Barack Obama, with only two words.
Mr. President. Reflective moments are whizzing through my head. Is this happening to any of you?
I want to cling to our president. Listening to the warmth and maturity in his voice as he tells us he's been having conversations with trump gives me the image of a gentleman speaking to a wind-up toy. It's been a day of running to the restroom to hide tears, carrying tissues, pretending I have allergies, hating the voice of anyone who seems unaffected, hating the "water cooler chat" because an "ain't that sumthin'" tone means they weren't truly invested. I've been upset by "professionalism", uncertain why there aren't more people who were bigger than I and had the guts to stay home, and feeling that everyone around me is suspect. Did you vote for him? Did you? You? What about you? Eventually, I'll be able to find comfort and maybe even feel fueled by the confident words that I've been scrolling through. From friends, from activists, and speakers I admire. Opinions about future victories, and our ability to unite, and work harder. You are in a more evolved place than I . Sometimes I can't hear what you're saying . Sometimes such adamant, and eloquent words sound like "blah blah blah." It is however nice to know that there are so many of you who have become my teachers. What I have come to see tonight is that I need to know the country better. I haven't seen enough of it. 50 states is a lot of ground, and there is a climate that exists, that I don't know of first hand.
When you show up at the cash register with 50 bananas, and the cashier says, "..LOTTA bananas" in a bothered tone, and looks at me like I'm a freak. Sure it's not what you're used to, but why the "I feel a fist coming your way", look? I almost said, "long shift?" 30% empathy, 70% passive aggressive. What sounds like a better excuse from poor little exhausted me, to condescending girl, who apparently gets set off by bananas, and feels like potassium is reason enough to shame someone? "Um..smoothies" or "pet monkey?"
A few months ago, I dared myself to enter a mall. I hadn't been in one since 1999. I admit; I was a Hot Topic girl.
Prior to that, the last time I set foot into a mall was as a child.
I went to the mall because I decided I needed some real sunglasses. For years I had been quite content with my $18.99 CVS sunglasses. They didn't make me look like a bug, and they got the job done.
After I purchased my far too expensive, grown-up sunglasses, I noticed a sign that read, David's Tea. I power walked over there and bought Birthday Cake tea, which has real sprinkles in it.
It was on the second trip to David's Tea, that I spotted a store called LUSH, diagonally from my new favorite tea shop.
I saw a small studio sized store with young tattooed, and brightly colored haired girls . They were essentially, me in high school.
I was lured by the yummy fragrance, and quickly came to find that I'd be spending a lt of cash.
LUSH Handmade Cosmetics is a place I now frequent. I don't wear makeup, and surprisingly the vast majority of their products consists of shower, bath, hair, and skincare products.
What hooked me is that their products are made with a lot of organic fruits, vegetables. Each product is indeed handmade, and each container of whatever has a sticker with a characterized image of the person who made it, their name, and the date it was made. The cutsey names of their products are often takes on songs, and film.
I'm not a bath person, so I buy a lot of shower stuff.
If you do want bath products, they have bath bombs that offer pleasant fragrances, and color. I actually bought something that is supposed to create glittery gold bubbles.
Today marks the beginning of National Suicide Prevention Week.
To learn more, see https://afsp.org/
Suicide is not the easy way out
It is not for cowards
It is not shameful
It is a reflection of not knowing what else to do
THERE IS SO MUCH TO DO
AND I SO VERY MUCH WANT YOU TO FEEL BETTER.
WITH ALL OF MY BEING I CAN TELL YOU
IT IS HERE FOR YOU
YOU CAN HAVE ANYTHING YOU WANT SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU WANT IT
BE PATIENT WITH THE WONDER THAT YOU ARE
WORTHY WORTHY WORTHY
STICK AROUND YOU WILL SEE IT
Suicide Hotline : 1 800 273 8255
24/7 connection to a trained counselor who is here for you.
HAPPY WORLD WATER DAY!
Water is something that I cherish. I am incredibly grateful that I have such easy access. We need water daily to focus clearly, lubricant our joints, detoxify, and it aids in weight loss for those who are trying to do that.
I drink 2 liters daily. The large water bottles you find in stores are 1.5.
Not only do we need to preserve water, we need to know the politics of water. It has become a commodity, it is being privatized, activists and law makers are going head to head, and people are dying.
Inside the house was a small bench, a bell, and wooden tablets to scribe upon. On these tablets wishes are written. When I arrived, I was greeted by a woman who had collected what looked to be about 100 wishes that had flown away due to high wind.
Some of the wishes were warming and others were just plain ridiculous.
My wish for Los Angeles:
that inside our ribs
we carry the light that lives
and the light that dims
I'm so appreciative of this installation. I love tea houses, and I love Pedro, Los Angeles, and the powerful simplicity of a wish.
I believe story telling is an art form and blogging is a medium in which to share stories and ideas. Within this blog I hope to cover a spectrum of topics. From the serious to the silly. Here you will read my views and inquiries about subjects such as feminism, other various socio-political issues, psychology, spirituality, sexuality, and general interests such as film, art and music. You will also be exposed to my obsession with cupcakes, tea, books, Hello Kitty, and quirky day to day journeys. I enjoy learning from others as I am constantly attempting to introspect, grow and evolve. During this process I will be jotting down musings on this blog. Pull up a comfy chair and a spot of tea and join me!