Friday, December 31, 2010

comedian interviews a racist

The below video features comedian Wyatt Cenac interviewing Tom Metzger. Metzger is a white supremacist who founded WAR (White Aryan Resistance). Metzger was also involved with the Ku Klux Klan in the 70s.

It seems the below video is intended to be comicall. I'm surprised Metzger agreed to do it. Initially I didn't know what to think of it but I think it shows us how ridiculous racism is. So, while Metzger may have thought the interview was just another venue in which to spew hate it seems that he is the one made to look a fool.

Dynamic Duos

Eddie Vedder joins Ben Harper during his set opening for Pearl Jam as they do a rendition of the Queen / Bowie classic UNDER PRESSURE in San Diego's Veijas Arena on October 9, 2009.

And for those of you who missed my former post with Ben Harper and Jack ya go..

Jack Black and Kyle Gass joined Ben Harper on stage at the Get Out & Vote concert in Milwaukee to perform the Queen/David Bowie classic

Rosie the Riveter dies at 86

Geraldine Hoff Doyle was the model for the World War II "Rosie the Riveter" poster. Doyle died in Lansing, Michigan on December 26, 2010 at the age of 86.

In 1942 Doyle was 17 year old. She was a metal presser in a Michigan factory. A photo taken by a wire service photographer was turned into a war poster by graphic artist J. Howard Miller.

It turns out that Doyle only worked two weeks as a day laborer before quitting as she feared a hand injury would prevent her from playing the cello. Doyle had learned had learned that another woman had injured herself doing the same job.

The photo was used for an internal project at Westinghouse and wasn’t widely distributed until the 1980′s as a prop for women’s equality in the workplace.

Doyle wasn't aware of the poster until 1984 when she discovered the original photograph in a 1940′s back issue of Modern Maturity magazine. The magazine today is known as AARP The Magazine.

Photo: Modern Maturity

The term "Rosie the Riveter" is rooted from a 1942 song about the women who took over factory jobs when American men went off to war.

Daughter Stephanie Gregg said in an interview that "She would say that she was the 'We Can Do It!" girl."
"She never wanted to take anything away from all the Rosie the Riveters who were doing the riveting."

Doyle was married to dentist Leo Doyle. They were married for 66 years. Leo Doyle died in early 2010.

Doyle is survived by five children, 18 grandchildren and 25 great-grandchildren.

A memorial service is scheduled for Saturday, January 8 in Lansing, Michigan.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

New Year's Cupcakes

New Year Cupcakes!

From HoosierHomemade_latham via flickr

Sunday, December 26, 2010

they're there even though you don't see them

I need you to recognize my friends
cuz they're there even though you don't see them
They got their own chair, a plate, and a seat
You know I won't touch my food unless they eat
~"I'm a Child" by Devendra Banhart

I was listening to this great song called "I Feel Like a Child" by Devendra Banhart. The above quote struck me as quite whimsical as children often let there imaginations fly without filter. It seems that as we grow older we don't quite remember what it was to be a child. And I think it's very fair when kids and teens look into the faces of their parents and say, "You don't understand." I often told myself that I hope I do not forget what it was like to be a child or a teen. Although, we cannot fully remember what it was like I think it's important to know that we all want to be understood in some way, no matter what age we have reached.

Being that I am a psychiatric social worker I couldn't help but also relate the lyrics to interactions I've had with patients. I work with adults who experience mental illness and many experience Schizophrenia.

I found the above image at a website called Monolithic Studios. The title of the post is "Schizophrenia". It was a reminder that I will never quite understand what it's like to have voices in my head. To have friends or enemies that keep me company everywhere I go.

Next Year's Christmas

So, recently I was perusing one of my favorite blogsites, Twinkie's Blargh. The blog belongs to Twinkiechan! who is an amazing crochet artist. She crochet's mostly scarves and they are all food themed. I've bought several of her scarves and I am thrilled to have them.

Anyway, below is an image from her blog which reveals a close up of her Christmas tree. I fell in love!


I am usually not a fan of pink but I found myself falling in love with the look of this tree. Being that I'm also obsessed with cupcakes, this tree suits me well.

I have come to find that pink Christmas trees aren't really an original idea. If you look up images on the internet as I did you will see a million of them. Ah well, it's new to me! Next year? I'm getting myself a pink tree!


To be honest I haven't celebrated the holidays in quite some time. For the last four years I've been working on Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. I'm sure I sound like a Hum Bug but I haven't felt the desire to have the traditional and not to mention obligated holiday feast with the family. I'm not all that close with my family and I no longer feel connected to the holidays as I used to.


Over the years Thanksgiving has become less about giving thanks and more about a traditional meal and stale, repetative conversation. For my family there is no longer a coming together of love, thoughts and ideas but rather a boring exchange.

CutieGoodie’s Etsy shop

Well, I love the twinklie lights..I can't get enough. I love the city when it's decorated and there are some holiday movies that I really enjoy. Other than that Christmas has held less glee and less sparkle over the years.


This year I actually didn't have to work and I spent the day with a friend of mine. We watched movies and chated about this and that. It was a day well spent.

Cupcake Ornaments
from Kiwi and Kiki’s Etsy Shop.

Next year I think I'm going to put some effort in to Christmas. But it's going to be Christmas MY way. I am well aware that most of my friends will be spending the actual day of Christmas with their families. But I think I will set a day aside where I can gather friends and we can sit around a pink tree and eat grilled cheese sandwiches, root bear, shirley temple drinks and cupcakes for dessert. Sounds good to me!

A day of togetherness, decoration, fun food and good cheer!

Friday, December 24, 2010



"A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool"

~William Shakespeare

Ani Difranco at the Dead Man Walking Concert 1998

Ani at the Dead Man Walking concert in March 1998 singing Fuel

"fuel" by Ani DiFranco

they were digging a new foundation in manhattan
and they discovered a slave cemetery there
may their souls rest easy now that lynching is frowned upon
and we've moved on to the electric chair

and i wonder who's gonna be president
tweedle dumb or tweedle dumber?
and who's gonna have the big
blockbuster box office
this summer
how 'bout we put up a wall
between the houses and the highway
and then you can go your way
and i can go my way

except all the radios agree with all the t.v.'s
and the magazines agree with all the radios
and i keep hearing that same damn song
everywhere i go
maybe i should put a bucket over my head
and a marshmallow in each ear
and stumble around for another dumb numb week
for another hum drum hit song to appear

people used to make records
as in a record of an event
the event of people
playing music in a room
now everything is cross-marketing
it's about sunglasses and shoes
or guns or drugs
you choose

we got it rehashed
we got it half-assed
we're digging up all the graves
and we're spitting on the past
and we can choose between the colors
of the lipstick on the whores
'cuz we know the difference
between the font of twenty percent more
and the font of teriyaki
you tell me
how does it make you feel?
you tell me what's real
they say that alcoholics are always alcoholics
even when they're as dry as my lips for years
even when they're stranded on a small desert island
with no place in two thousand miles to buy beer
and i wonder is he different
is he different
has he changed
what he's about
or is he just a liar
with nothing to lie about
am i headed for the same brick wall
is there anything i can do
about anything at all

except go back to that corner in manhattan
and dig deeper
dig deeper this time
down beneath the impossible pain of our history
beneath unknown bones
beneath the bedrock of the mystery
beneath the sewage system and the path train
beneath the cobblestones and the water main
beneath the traffic of friendships and street deals
beneath the screeching of kamikaze cab wheels
beneath everything i can think of to think about
beneath it all
beneath all get out
beneath the good and the kind and the stupid and the cruel
there's a fire that's just waiting for fuel

Ani at the Dead Man Walking concert in March 1998 singing Up Up Up Up Up Up

"up up up" by Ani DiFranco

up up up up up up
points the spire of the steeple
but god's work isn't done by god
it's done by people

up up up up up up
points the fingers of the trees
the lumberjacks
with their bloody axes
are on their knees

and just when you think that you've got enough
enough grows
and everywhere that you go in life
enough knows

up up up up up up
dances the steam from the sewer
as she rounds the corner
the brutal wind blows right through her

up up up up up up
raises the stakes of the game
each day sinks its bootprint into her clay
and she's not the same

and just when you think that you've got enough
enough grows
and everywhere that you go in life
enough knows

and half of learning how to play
is learning what not to play
and she's learning the spaces she leaves
have their own things to say
then she's trying to sing just enough
so that the air around her moves
and make music like mercy
that gives what it is
and has nothing to prove

she crawls out on a limb
and begins to build her home
it's enough just to look around
to know she's not alone

up up up up up up
points the spire of the steeple
but god's work isn't done by god
it's done by people

Crime for Crime

Ani Difranco at the Dead Man Walking concert in March, 1998, where she performed the song Crime for Crime

This song is about opposing the death penalty. I am thankful to AnimalJam for posting. And I gotta say I love vintage Ani videos so thank you!

Ani Difranco talking backstage

"crime for crime" by Ani DiFranco

the big day has come
the bell is sounding
i run my hands through my hair one last time
outside the prison walls
the town is gathering
people are trading crime for crime

everyone needs to see the prisoner
they need to make it even easier
they see me as a symbol, and not a human being
that way they can kill me
say it's not murder, it's a metaphor
we are killing off our own failure
and starting clean

standing in the gallows
everyone turned my way
i hear a voice ask me
if i've got any last words to say
and i'm looking out over the field of familiar eyes
somewhere in a woman's arms a baby cries

i think guilt and innocence
they are a matter of degree
what might be justice to you
might not be justice to me
i went too far, i'm sorry
i guess now i'm going home
so let any amongst you cast the first stone
now we've got all these complicated machines
so no one person ever has to have blood on their hands
we've got complex organizations
and if everyone just does their job
no one person has to understand

you might be the wrong color
you might be too poor
justice isn't something just anyone can afford
you might not pull the trigger
you might be out in the car
and you might get a lethal injection
'cause we take a metaphor that far

the big day has come
the bell is sounding
i run my hands through my hair one last time
outside the prison walls
the town has gathered
people are trading crime for crime

The Difference Between Race & Ethnicity

I found this posted on Womanist Musings.

John Lennon on feminism and fatherhood

Below is an article from The Huffington Post entitled

John Lennon on Fatherhood, Feminism, and Phony Tough Guy Posturing

Three decades after his tragic death in New York City at age forty, John Lennon retains quite a grip on our cultural imagination. He has been the subject of countless biographies, magazine articles, and documentaries. In November, a BBC Masterpiece Theater special explored his final days with the Beatles; and the recently released independent film Nowhere Boy delved into his childhood and adolescence. His has been one of the most chronicled lives of our times.

Now some new information about Lennon has surfaced. Rolling Stone magazine writer Jonathon Cott interviewed Lennon just three days before his murder on December 8, 1980. After Lennon's death, only brief excerpts from the interview were published. Recently, Cott unearthed the original tapes and Rolling Stone published the entire interview in the December 23, 2010 issue.

Music critics and fans are understandably interested in the details the interview furnishes about Lennon's plans for a musical comeback just before his untimely death. I was intrigued by something else. Throughout the interview, the rock icon provides a wealth of commentary that relates to his evolving ideas about manhood. When Lennon was gunned down in front of his apartment on the Upper West Side by a deeply disturbed 25-year-old man, the world lost not only one of the greatest musical talents of the 20th century. It also lost an artist whose sense of himself as a man reflected the cultural shifts in gender norms that had been catalyzed by multicultural women's movements, and whose fame and example helped pioneer a new kind of masculinity for his and subsequent generations of men.

Lennon is revered on the left as an artist who used his public platform to oppose the U.S. war in Vietnam; his anthems "Happy Xmas (War is Over)," "Give Peace a Chance" and of course "Imagine" are revered by peace activists (and others) worldwide. But Lennon was perhaps the most well-known male artist of his era to embrace feminism -- and incorporate feminist insights about masculinity and relationships into his art.

After a brief period of high-profile anti-Vietnam war activism in the early 1970s, the former Beatle turned to subjects in his music and personal life that spoke to some of the changes faced by men of his generation: growing up and assuming adult responsibilities, nurturing more egalitarian relationships with women, being emotionally present for their children. One of his songs that decried sexism, "Woman is The Ni#&*er of the World" (1972), earned Lennon a spot in Michael Kimmel and Tom Mosmiller's 1992 anthology Against the Tide: Pro-Feminist Men in the United States 1776-1990, a documentary history.

Lennon was a complicated person who struggled (often quite publicly) with his shortcomings as a father, a partner and a friend. He could be difficult and emotionally abusive. Many writers have noted that his audacious ambition and stunning musical achievements as a young man were propelled - in part - by his efforts to produce art through which he could communicate - and perhaps transcend - the pain he experienced as a young boy, when his parents effectively abandoned him. It is no small irony - and it is indefensible -- that Lennon similarly neglected his first son, Julian.

But despite the shortcomings of the man behind the myth, as a Beatle and as a solo act John Lennon produced some of the most popular and memorable music in history. His songs have become a part of our cultural fabric and collective psyche; the enduring popularity of his artistic contributions is testament to the fact that he connected -- emotionally and intellectually - with hundreds of millions (billions?) of people.

In light of that connection and Lennon's continuing appeal, I wanted to spotlight some of the things he said in his last interview about a number of topics related to the major gender transformations of his -- and our -- time: fatherhood, tough guy posturing, feminism, and women. Three decades later his thoughts on these critical subjects are just as relevant and enduring as his music.

On fatherhood:

The thing about the child is... it's still hard. I'm not the greatest dad on earth, I'm doing me best. But I'm a very irritable guy, and I get depressed. I'm up and down, up and down, and he's (then-five-year-old son Sean) had to deal with that too - withdrawing from him and then giving, and withdrawing and giving. I don't know how much it will affect him in later life, but I've been physically there.

On tough guy posturing:

I'm often afraid, but I'm not afraid to be afraid, otherwise it's all scary. But it's more painful to try not to be yourself. People spend a lot of time trying to be somebody else, and I think it leads to terrible diseases. Maybe you get cancer or something. A lot of tough guys get cancer, have you noticed? John Wayne, Steve McQueen. I think it has something to do -- I don't know, I'm no expert -- with constantly living or getting trapped in an image or an illusion of themselves, suppressing some part of themselves, whether it's the feminine side or the fearful side.

I'm well aware of that because I come from the macho school of pretense. I was never really a street kid or a tough guy. I used to dress like a Teddy boy and identify with Marlon Brando and Elvis Presley, but I never really was in real street fights or real down-home gangs. I was just a suburban kid, imitating the rockers. But it was a big part of one's life to look tough. I spent the whole of my childhood with shoulders up around the top of me head and me glasses off because glasses were sissy, and walking in complete fear, but with the toughest-looking face you've ever seen... I wanted to be this tough James Dean all the time. It took a lot of wrestling to stop doing that, even though I still fall into it when I get insecure and nervous.

On love, race and feminism:

...we hear from all kinds of people. One kid living up in Yorkshire wrote this heartfelt letter about being both Oriental and English and identifying with John and Yoko. The odd kid in the class. There are a lot of those kids who identify with us -- as a couple, a biracial couple, who stand for love, peace, feminism and the positive things of the world.

On learning from women:

I have to keep remembering that I never really was (a tough guy). That's what Yoko has taught me. I couldn't have done it alone -- it had to be a female to teach me. That's it. Yoko has been telling me all the time, 'It's all right, it's all right.' I look at early pictures of meself, and I was torn between being Marlon Brando and being the sensitive poet -- the Oscar Wilde part of me with the velvet, feminine side. I was always torn between the two, mainly opting for the macho side, because if you showed the other side, you were dead.

On his song "Woman" (1972):

'Woman' came about because, one sunny afternoon in Bermuda, it suddenly hit me what women do for us. Not just what my Yoko does for me, although I was thinking in those personal terms...but any truth is universal. What dawned on me was everything I was taking for granted. Women really are the other half of the sky, as I whisper at the beginning of the song. It's a 'we' or it ain't anything. The song reminds me of a Beatles track, though I wasn't trying to make it sound like a Beatles track. I did it as I did 'Girl' many years ago -- it just sort of hit me like a flood, and it came out like that. 'Woman' is the grown-up version of 'Girl.'

This interview -- and many others over the years -- makes clear that John Lennon was strong enough both to acknowledge his own vulnerability and fear, and also to embrace women's leadership, both personally and politically. For a man who would have turned 70 this year, he was way ahead of the curve. It is one of the defining tragedies of our cultural moment that a non-violent man - the leader of the Beatles! -- who possessed the rare gift of translating his gender-bending introspection into brilliant, accessible art was ultimately silenced by another man's violence.

tea tee

A tee for tea lovers. Buy it here ($14)
Originally posted on

tea lamp

Lamp made up of teapot, cups and saucers. Buy it here ($198)
Originally posted on

The perfect sleeve

Originally posted by Cupcakes Take the Cake. Inked by Jason Vaughn of Deluxe Tattoo with a little done by Ryan Mason of Scapegoat Tattoo, image by Lorena Cupcake.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Whip It

Whip My Hair - Willow Smith

When I first heard this song I thought it was ridiculous but eventually I began to enjoy how sassy and tacky it was.

Apparently Neil Young (one of my favorite musical artists) found something appealing about it as well.

Whip My Hair ft Neil Young & Bruce Springsteen


The Superions - Fruitcake
The Superions is a side project of Fred Schneider of The B-52s

Annoyingly awesome!

Saturday, December 18, 2010

tea's proper use


“Tea’s proper use is to amuse the idle, and relax the studious, and dilute the full meals of those who cannot use exercise, and will not use abstinence.”
~ Dr Samuel Johnson

Thursday, December 2, 2010

PETA and TSA scanners


This image has been posted in airports tagged with the line "Be Proud of Your Body Scan: Go Vegan". This ad is from the ever so sexist PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) campaign. PETA continues to attempt to reach an audience by using sexism as a draw-in.

Let me ask a question. What does veganism have to do with TSA scanners or a woman's body?

right on Lisa

"Look dad, I made a modest studio apartment for my Malibu Stacey doll! This is the kitchen, this is where she prints her weekly feminist newsletter..."
-Lisa Simpson

Hello Kitty Fetus?

Not quite sure what to say about this one..

This photo is from Hello Kitty Hell.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010


Don't have much to say tonight. Tonight I'm all ears...

Swansea - Joanna Newsom at Crocodile Cafe in Seattle

If you wanna come on down
Down with your bones so white
And watch the freight trains pound
Into the wild wild night...

How I would love to gnaw
Gnaw on your bones so white
And watch as the freight trains paw
Paw at the wild wild night

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Dress Sculptures

All photo by

Minnesota's corn dress

New York's garbage dress
New York Garbage Man Dress

Iowa's prairie dress
Iowa's prairie dress

Nevada's casino chip dress
Nevada's casino chip dress

Maine's pine cone dress
Maine's pine cone dress

Wyoming's willow dress
Wyoming's willow dress

The Illinois red dress was constructed from 28 dresses purchased from thrift stores in Chicago. The Illinois red dress was constructed from 28 dresses purchased from thrift
stores in Chicago

Wisconsin's white pine dress
Wisconsin's white pine dress

edible wedding dress

From Gather and Nest.

Food as Fashion

Food as Fashion
by Joanna Douglas, Shine Staff


Artichoke Hearts

This gown was designed by Daniel Feld and Wesley Nault (both Project Runway alums) and took over 6 hours to complete. Sabarese says "the model stood the entire time while they attached each individual leaf."

Photo by: Ted Sabarese



Photo by: Ted Sabarese



Photo by: Ted Sabarese



Photo by: Ted Sabarese



Photo by: Ted Sabarese

Sunday, October 31, 2010

spooky tea

Photo from Tea Appreciation Society

The ‘Legendary Pink Dot Tea Set’ by Maxim Velcovsky was originally supplied by Thorsten Van Elten, for Kate Boddington’s photograph in part of a series entitled ‘The Haunting’.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Banksy and The Simpsons


On October 10th an episode of the Simpsons entitled "MoneyBart" aired. As the opening theme song played we received a surprise by British street artist Banksy. Banksy's vision depicts sweatshop conditions for The Simpsons animators.

Banksy is often considered controverisal. He is known for his political artwork which often consists of stenciling images upon buildings.

So, what were the show's creators attempting to convey here? Was this a message to the higher ups about ethics? Regardless, one thing to keep in mind here is that the Fox network did allow the piece to air. So, perhaps they didn't feel too threatened by Banksy's message.

I'm a fan of Banksy's work. He definitely makes you think and I imagine that's the purpose of his work. To learn more about Banksy go to his website

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Happy Birthday John Lennon

John Lennon was born October 9th, 1940. He would have been 70 years old.

A message from Yoko Ono

Sunday, September 26, 2010

cuz i need freedom now...

Mumford and Sons - The Cave (on the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson on 2/26/10)

So make your siren's call
And sing all you want
I will not hear what you have to say

Cause I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it's meant to be

And I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

Fish Ice Cube Molds

Loving this!

The tray molds your ice to look like fish. Buy it here ($6.95)

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Revenge of the Introverts! Sort of...


So, I was in the doctor's office and thumbing through the magazines when I found this month's Psychology Today. I'm usually not a fan of Psychology Today as I find it to be a pop-psychology mag. But every now and then I find an article that catches my eye.

Revenge of the Introvert caught my attention as I am a myself am an introvert who often struggles in an extraverted world. Perhaps it sounds like I'm throwing myself a little pity party but the differences between introverted personalities and extraverted personalities are vast.

As I read the article I found myself wanting to pass it along to others. Partly because I find the study of personality types to be fascinating and also because I think that introverts are often misunderstood.

Here's my opportunity to say a few things about introverts that might shed some light for extraverts.

I think one of the most common misconceptions of introverts is that we are all shy. Anyone can be shy regardless of personality type. Social interaction is important to introverts but it is limited.

Introverted Socialites

Speaking for myself I can say that I enjoy socializing but I feel most comfortable with one on one interactions. I feel more satisfied with meaningful conversations and don't do as well with small talk.

It's all about energy. Extraverts feed off of group settings however group settings often overstimulate introverts. I can enjoy a party but I'll probably leave earlier than my extroverted friends.

According to Revenge of the Introvert, "It's often possible to spot introverts by their conversational style. They're the ones doing the listening. Extraverts are more likely to pepper people with questions. Introverts like to think before responding—many prefer to think out what they want to say in advance—and seek facts before expressing opinions. Extraverts are comfortable thinking as they speak. Introverts prefer slow-paced interactions that allow room for thought. Brainstorming does not work for them. Email does."

Introverts in the Work Place

I work in a psychiatric hospital and find comfort in working one on one with my patients. I've noticed throughout the various jobs that I've had that extraverted workers feel energized when conducting field work or brainstorming on projects.

As an introvert I have difficulty with brainstorming. Introverts don't think out loud as extraverts often do. Introverted minds need time to think over concepts.

I notice in weekly staff meetings that co-workers often have lots to say. I often fear that I appear uninterested but that couldn't be father from the truth. Introverts like to observe and soak in information. I am very present when I attend a staff meeting but I do not always feel the need to voice my opinions, especially if similar sentiments have already been expressed by others.

I recognize that in the work place introversion could actually prove to be a hindrance. In many work and social settings I've felt pressure to push my personality further than what is naturally comfortable.

Revenge of the Introvert reports, "the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator personality test administered to two randomized national samples, introverts make up 50 percent of the U.S. population. The MBTI definition of introversion—a preference for solitude, reflection, internal exploration of ideas vs. active engagement and pursuit of rewards in the external/social world—correlates closely with the Big Five description. But the results still surprise; if every other person is an introvert, why doesn't the cultural tone reflect that?
It's not just that we overestimate the numbers of extraverts in our midst because they're more salient. The bias of individuals is reinforced in the media, which emphasize the visual, the talkative, and the sound bite— immediacy over reflection."
Introverts are actually great communicators but we do not communicate with the same energy of extraverts. We are great listeners and when we do speak we often provide insightful questions. In group settings we may fall silent but we can hear ourselves think as we remain silent.

Introverts and Happiness

"In the united states, people rank happiness as their most important goal. That view has a special impact on introverts. Happiness is not always their top priority; they don't need external rewards to keep their brains in high gear. In fact, the pursuit of happiness may represent another personality-culture clash for them."

The Complexity of Introverts

"Even a simple opener of "Hello, how are you? Hey, I've been meaning to talk to you about X," from anyone can challenge an introvert. Rather than bypassing the first question or interrupting the flow to answer it, the introvert holds onto the question: Hmm, how am I? (An internal dialogue begins, in which the introvert "hears" herself talking internally as the other person speaks.)
Even if the introvert responds, "I'm good," she's probably still reflecting on how she is: Good? That's not quite right. I really have had a pretty crummy day, but there isn't a quick way to explain that. She wants to first work out privately her thoughts and judgment about the day. She also may evaluate the question itself: I hate that we so often just say 'good' because that's the convention. The other person doesn't really want to know. She may even activate memories of how the question has struck her in the past.
While the introvert is evaluating the question on at least two levels (how she is feeling and what she thinks about the question, perhaps also what this says about our society), the speaker is already moving on to sharing something about his day. The introvert must take the incoming message from the speaker and tuck it into working memory until she can get to it, while more information keeps flowing in that demands tracking, sorting, searching, and critical analysis.
The cognitive load becomes increasingly difficult to manage, as the internal talk competes with the external conversation. Moreover, while trying to keep the conversation going, introverts may miss social cues, which can make them appear socially inept. The conversation is also anxiety-provoking, because the introvert feels she has too little time to share a complete thought. She hungers to pull away and give time to the thoughts her brain has generated."

What Not To Say To An Introvert

From Revenge of the Introvert
Introverts, those quiet creatures that walk among you, are not as mild-mannered as made out to be. They seethe and even will lash out at those who encroach upon or malign their personal comfort zones. Here are a few emotional buttons to avoid with your introverted companions.
  • "'Why don't you like parties? Don't you like people?' is a common remark introverts hear," says Marti Laney, a psychologist and the author of The Introvert Advantage. "Usually we like people fine," she insists. "We just like them in small doses." Cocktail parties can be deadly. "We're social but it's a different type of socializing."
  • "Surprise, we've decided to bring the family and stay with you for the weekend." Anyone anywhere on the -vert spectrum could find such a declaration objectionable, but it's more likely to bring an introvert to a boil, according to Nancy Ancowitz. Introverts count on their downtime to rejuvenate their resources; an extended presence in their homes robs them of that respite.
  • Don't demand immediate feedback from an introvert. "Extraverts think we have answers but just aren't giving them," Laney says. "They don't understand we need time to formulate them" and often won't talk until a thought is suitably polished.
  • Don't ask introverts why they're not contributing in meetings. If you're holding a brainstorming session, let the introvert prepare, or encourage him to follow up with his contributions afterward.
  • Don't interrupt if an introvert does get to talking. Listen closely. "Being overlooked is a really big issue for introverts," Laney says. Introverts are unlikely to repeat themselves; they will not risk making the same mistake twice.
  • Above all, "we hate people telling us how we can be more extraverted, as if that's the desired state," says Beth Buelow, a life and leadership coach for introverts. Many introverts are happy with the way they are. And if you're not, that's your problem.—Matthew Hutson

Monday, September 6, 2010



"Drink your tea slowly and reverently, as if it is the axis on which the world earth revolves – slowly, evenly, without rushing toward the future."
~ Thich Nat Hahn

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Dump the Bosses

I first learned of the song Dump The Bosses Off Your Back when I heard Utah Phillips sing it. Utah was an anarchist, activist, folk singer, storyteller and supporter of the IWW aka Industrial Workers of the World Union (and so much more).

Utah was a song, poem and story collector and over the years I have collected his recordings. I find significance in his work as he spoke for the people and encouraged others to do so as well.

Dump the Bosses is a union workers song and Utah sang it with gusto and heart. I feel lucky to have come across this version. Ani Difranco sings it here. She and Utah collaborated in the past and I feel that she carries on the spirit of his work.

John Brill 1916

Are you poor, forlorn and hungry?
Are there lots of things you lack ?
Is your life made up of misery?
Then dump the bosses off your back.
Are your clothes all patched and tattered?
Are you living in a shack ?
Would you have your troubles scattered?
Then dump the bosses off your back.

Are you almost split asunder?
Loaded like a long-eared jack?
Boob - why don't you buck like thunder,
And dump the bosses off your back?
All the agonies you suffer
You can end with one good whack
Stiffen up, you orn'ry duffer
And dump the bosses off your back.

Utah Phillips - "Dump the Bosses Off Our Backs" at the Vancouver Folk Festival

For more information on Utah Phillps go to The Long Memory or

For more information on Ani Difranco go to Righteous Babe Records

Saturday, July 31, 2010

cupcake wine glass

I don't drink but if I did I'd want this wine glass! So tacky, I love it!

Delish™ Cupcake Wine Glass
regular $29.99

For sale at Kohl's

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Mars, Venus or Planet Earth? Women & Men in a New Millenium: Lecture by Dr. Michael Kimmel







To learn more about Dr. Michael Kimmel go to his website

Books by Dr. Michael Kimmel:

The Invisible Sex: Masculinity in Contemporary America (University of California Press, 2003)

The History of Masculinity: Essays (SUNY Press, 2003)

The Gender of Desire: Essays on Masculinity and Sexuality (SUNY Press, 2003)

The Gendered Society. Oxford University Press, 2000.

Manhood in America: A Cultural History. Free Press, 1996.

The Politics of Manhood. Temple University Press, 1995.

Against the Tide: Pro-Feminist Men in the U.S., 1776-1990, Beacon, 1992.

Men Confront Pornography. Crown, 1990; New American Library, 1991.

Men's Lives (with Michael Messner). Macmillan, 1989, 1992, 1995.

Changing Men: New Directions in the Study of Men and Masculinity, Sage, 1987.

Absolutism and its Discontents: State and Society in 17th Century France and England. Transaction, 1988.

Revolution: A Sociological Perspective. Temple University Press, 1990.

His most recent book, Guyland: The Perilous World Where Boys Become Men (2008) is a best-selling investigation of young people’s lives today, based on interviews with more than 400 young men, ages 16-26. Featured in major television and radio interviews, the books was widely reviewed and praised in all major media outlets. “If you’ve ever had a conversation with a teenage boy and wondered what on earth was going on…this book will serve you well.” And feminist icon Gloria Steinem said that “Michael Kimmel’s Guyland could save the humanity of many young men – and the sanity of their friends and parents.” Feature film rights were optioned to Dreamworks.

Kimmel is a Professor of Sociology at SUNY Stony Brook, and lives in Brooklyn, New York with his family.

Saturday, July 10, 2010


Animals by CocoRosie (with
the Royal Concertgebouw Orchestra)

I always knew I would spend a lot of time alone
No one would understand me
Maybe I should go and live amongst the animals
Spend all my time amongst the animals
And on the tracks I would go they lead to the sea
To be amongst the animals

good reminders

Sometimes it's those little reminders..


...that help us through the day...


...keep calm my friends...

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Lingerie model Larissa Riquelme promises to strip after World Cup and men everywhere are celebrating her choice to exploit herself


Just recently I learned that a lingerie model named Larissa Riquelme had promised to strip and run naked if Paraguay won the 2010 World Cup.

I recently wrote a post entitled Mental Fidelity in which I mention this. In the post I speak about how I spoke with men in committed relationships who were expressing their delight in the idea of this woman stripping. My disappointment sprouted from the fact that some individuals, although committed physically to their mates may actually stray mentally. While we all may find other people attractive other than our partners I think that the desire or fantasy to sleep with someone other than one's boyfriend, husband, girlfriend or wife falls short of complete fidelity.

It turns out that Riquelme has announced that she is going to strip despite Paraguay's loss.
"It will be a present to all of the players, and for all the people in Paraguay to enjoy," she said.
I can't help but be put off by this egotistical statement.

As a feminist against pornography I understand that there are various reasons as to why a woman might decide to undress and have sex for money. Why might a woman strip for free? Well, I cannot crawl inside the mind of Riquelme and I can't state as to why she is deciding to expose herself to the world. My trouble comes not only with the fact that she is making the conscious choice to exploit herself but also with the men and women who don't seem to mind that she is doing so.

Men and women alike consume pornography or applaud the sexual acts of a stripper. Men and women alike also applaud the sexually exploitive acts of strangers. While I maintain that there is nothing wrong with finding another clothed or unclothed person attractive, I think that we exist in a society that is very surfaced when it comes to sexual exploits. Rather than indulging in an event like lingerie models running naked why not take a moment to think about the fact that she is ultimately presenting herself in an objectifying manner. When a person becomes an object they are no longer a person but a plaything, a fantasy, a person devoid of hopes, dreams, desires, vulnerabilities, talents, and uniqueness.

I ask you all this. How would you feel if you're daughter, sister, mother were to run around naked at the win of a soccar match? Perhaps one would feel hesitant or even come up with a list of reasons as to why appearing naked would be an unwise choice. When there is an emotional connection to the person in question it makes all the difference doesn't it?

The issue with porn or with random individuals performing such explotive acts is that there is no connection. Many enjoy this as they feel they are free from having to bargain with their conscience. "Hell, I don't know her all I know is that she's hot!" This mentality is harmful. Even when women exploit themselves with their own free will there is no way to know exactly why they are doing it. Doesn't it seem odd that a woman might want THAT kind of attention? Is stripping what this lingerie model needs to do in order to make herself feel good? Well, perhaps being that she is a lingerie model.

What about the women who are not lingerie models? What about a drunk woman at a party? What about women who flash for Girls Gone Wild? What about, what about, what about? There are many different scenarios in which women can make the decision to exploit themselves and there are plenty of audiences who will be right there to accept those decisions. This is what wrings my heart. How about we support each other as human beings? How about we honor each other? Are we honoring Larissa Riquelme by encouraging and applauding her choice to run around naked? I say no. Again, there is nothing wrong with one finding themselves attracted to a clothed or unclothed woman. But why don't we put aside our lust long enough to introspect. It's not as crazy as so many make it out to be.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Mental Fidelity


Recently a male acquaintance of mine informed me that a certain lingerie model announced that she would parade around naked if Paraguay won the World Cup. I soon became witness to the drooling of other men who relished the idea. I knew that a couple of the men I spoke to were either married or in monogamous relationships. Whether a man is single or in a relationship, I feel utterly uncomfortable at the wolf like attitudes of men salivating over the idea of a woman willing to exploit herself. While there is nothing wrong with finding oneself attracted to another, I can't help but wish that more people would forgo the lust and just stop to question why some women choose to exploit themselves in the first place. Why not take the pondering a step further and begin to question why our society accepts such behavior without much introspection?

The subject of the lingerie model brought up old feelings of concern when it comes to committed men and women who lust over other people when they are claiming to be monogamous.

Is it really such a preposterous notion to think that we can admire another being but not have the desire to sleep with them? Sure we may admire the physical beauty and sex appeal of someone other than our partners but there is a difference between admiring and wanting to sleep with.
In my experience, when I am in a relationship I have always been able to direct my sexual desires towards my partner. I understand that not all individuals are able to do this. I have just found it troublesome to think that a future mate might drift off to thoughts of someone else when he masturbates or when he sees another attractive woman. While some may suggest that I am behaving immaturely or that I am insecure, I whole heartedly disagree.

I was struggling with feelings of frustration as I am often filled with sadness as the sight of committed men lusting after other women to the point that they fill their fantasies and desires. I decided to reach out to a man who's blog I follow. Hugo Schwyzer is a gender studies professor, feminist and leftist Christian who's words often give me something to chew on.

I asked Hugo if he could offer me some feedback or direct me towards one of his blogs that addresses the issues of lust, fantasy and monogamy. Hugo responded and there was one piece of feedback that stood out for me. He stated while two people can be physically committed it might be more difficult for others to obtain mental fidelity. He did say he believes it is possible to achieve mental fidelity and I agree.

I reviewed some of Hugo's blog posts on fantasy and lust and landed on one in particular that offered some great insight.

Here is an excerpt from - A Very Long Post About Bisexuality, Fidelity, Fantasy, Masturbation and Desire: A Response To Neil

Most married folks, including the legions of purely heterosexual ones, struggle to direct all of their sexual thoughts and fantasies towards their spouse. Especially when children are in the picture, or there are work and money pressures, committed folks may find themselves fantasizing about and drawn to people other than their spouse. Nine times out of ten, they will be drawn to someone who has a quality that their spouse doesn’t have. It might be a more gregarious temperament, or it might be a penis. As a defense against loneliness and as a passive-aggressive way of fighting with our partner, we humans are prone to eroticizing those who are fundamentally unlike their current mate. The fact that bisexuals have a greater number of fantasy partners from which to choose for masturbatory reverie doesn’t make their struggle unique. A lot of married folks masturbate alone. Many of them don’t think about their spouse as they climax. From a Christian perspective, entertaining a desire for someone else does fall short of the mark in marriage:

I'm sure there is a plethora of reasons as to why one might begin fantasizing about someone other than their own spouse. Not all reasons include there being trouble in paradise. I however believe that whether one is coming from a Christian perspective like myself or whether one is of another faith or has no sense of spirituality at all, I think the notion of mental fidelity is not so far fetched. So often our actions are thought of as the behaviors that convey how we really feel but I would argue that our thoughts and fantasies bear weight as well.

Fantasies are a glorious part of sexuality however I think sometimes some individuals disrespect their partners by going farther than simple admiration of others.

We do live in a oversexed society (sex sells after all) and definitely a heterosexist one as we are bombarded by advertisements, magazines, billboards and other brands of media that tell us we are supposed to lust over scantily clad women. As a feminist against pornography I often feel swallowed up by sexist societal images.

Not only do I have cause for concern when it comes to committed men and women lusting after other individuals but I also struggle with the issue of some men and women lusting in degrading and objectifying ways.

I can't tell you how often I hear other females tell me that they simply put up with their boyfriend's or husband's porn stash. Does your partner read Playboy or Maxim? Do you just put up with it? Why? Because "boys will be boys"?

If you're like me and you do not accept the patriarchy of the porn industry then why accept demeaning fantasies? Men and women do not always need pornography in order to fantasize in objectifying ways and may simply demean another person (or themselves) in their head. My point? Fantasy is not always harmless. Our thougts are not always harmless. Depending on how we fantasize we can hurt our partners and we can potentially place distance between us and our loved ones by diverting genuine focus towards them. Intense fantasy towards anyone other than our spouses is indeed at odds with mental fidelity.

Happy 103rd Birthday Frida Kahlo

July 6th, 1907 - July 13, 1954