Nervous. Tired. Makes me emotional and unusually weird. I some how thought I'd be soothed by Whole Foods? Nah, I just made a stop but not really knowing where I was wandering. In a haze. So, there I am at the checkout with Pineapples, Purple Carrots, Cucumbers, Rambutans, and Coconut Water. Um. Yeah. The cashier looks unfamiliar to me. I hear the guy telling the woman he's ringing up, that it's his second day working there. The woman says, "Congratulations! " This made me feel good inside to know a person would congratulate someone for starting a new job. I almost got a little teary. Told you. Emotional. When it was my turn to pay, I saw a sign posted that said he is a new employee, so please be patient. Does that make things better or worse for him? It was as if he were in a cage, and we were all spectators, looking at a sign that said "don't feed the bear." Drove home, thinking about how grateful I am to have the right to vote. Thought about a person whom I convinced to vote for the first time. She's 32 and has never voted. She was kind of lax about it, but she became increasingly excited about it as the day moved forward one foot after the other. She's going to earn that sticker that we all love so much. The last thing she said to me was, " I'm going to wear that thing with pride!" THAT definitely prompted some tears. She didn't see them come so don't tell her. Time to take a shower, turn on the telly, and clench. Here we go.
I don't know how to go into work today. I would have called out, but how obvious the reason would be. I can't stop crying. I can't show up to work crying. I can't show up to work looking as though I've been crying. I can't show up to work looking as though I will cry. I will be crying. I don't know how to do this. What do we do?
To those who feel that today is just an "aaw" of a day, or a "wow, that trump guy got it" To those who this early think "we just need to accept it", or ask why I'm still upset by the end of the week, or who will judge me for not turning a new leaf on Monday, have some respect.
I remember when Obama won the first election. I believe it was TIME magazine that had a stoic and I believe humble photo of Barack Obama, with only two words.
Mr. President. Reflective moments are whizzing through my head. Is this happening to any of you?
I want to cling to our president. Listening to the warmth and maturity in his voice as he tells us he's been having conversations with trump gives me the image of a gentleman speaking to a wind-up toy. It's been a day of running to the restroom to hide tears, carrying tissues, pretending I have allergies, hating the voice of anyone who seems unaffected, hating the "water cooler chat" because an "ain't that sumthin'" tone means they weren't truly invested. I've been upset by "professionalism", uncertain why there aren't more people who were bigger than I and had the guts to stay home, and feeling that everyone around me is suspect. Did you vote for him? Did you? You? What about you? Eventually, I'll be able to find comfort and maybe even feel fueled by the confident words that I've been scrolling through. From friends, from activists, and speakers I admire. Opinions about future victories, and our ability to unite, and work harder. You are in a more evolved place than I . Sometimes I can't hear what you're saying . Sometimes such adamant, and eloquent words sound like "blah blah blah." It is however nice to know that there are so many of you who have become my teachers. What I have come to see tonight is that I need to know the country better. I haven't seen enough of it. 50 states is a lot of ground, and there is a climate that exists, that I don't know of first hand.
I believe story telling is an art form and blogging is a medium in which to share stories and ideas. Within this blog I hope to cover a spectrum of topics. From the serious to the silly. Here you will read my views and inquiries about subjects such as feminism, other various socio-political issues, psychology, spirituality, sexuality, and general interests such as film, art and music. You will also be exposed to my obsession with cupcakes, tea, books, Hello Kitty, and quirky day to day journeys. I enjoy learning from others as I am constantly attempting to introspect, grow and evolve. During this process I will be jotting down musings on this blog. Pull up a comfy chair and a spot of tea and join me!