The appeals of facials. Hmm..

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The amazing Hugo Schwyzer posted a very interesting article about "facials",on Jezebel last week. The article is titled, He Wants to Jizz on Your Face, but Not Why You Think. I took an interest to this article for different reasons. One; I admire Schwyer very much. We don't agree on everything and he and I have had very polite discussions about this and that. Two; I detest the word "jizz" and was curious as to why Schwyzer was using the word and three; I wanted to know what other reason a man could possibly want to ejaculate on a woman's face that could be different from what I already know.

I assumed that Schwyzer was using the term in order emphasize the fact that the word has become common in porn and therefore common in mainstream life. Not all individuals are going to mimic what they see or hear in porn but pornography definitely has its influences on large groups.

Non-hygienic practices are common within pornography. ATM is a good example. ATM or Anal to Mouth describes the act where a man will penetrate a woman anally and then insert his penis into the woman's mouth. Ejaculating onto a woman's face does not necessarily bring forth additional physical pleasure to the man, but rather it is an act of degrading someone else, or marking territory. It is an act that inflates the ego through dominance.

Many who consider themselves a part of the BDSM community will tell you that they enjoy being degraded or degrading others. This is concerning to me on many levels, but I will not attempt to deny the fact that many find enjoyment from degradation.

In Schwyzer's article he tells us that he had consulted with sex educator Charlie Glickman about the concept of ejaculating onto a woman's face.

"Glickman suggests that the AIDS crisis and the concern with safer sex was what made the facial popular. "Cum on me, not in me" was a popular sex educator slogan as far back as the late 1980s. Ejaculating on a woman's stomach, however, usually meant that the camera wouldn't let the audience see the actress' expression. But if the male actor came on her face, the viewer could see two things at once: evidence of male pleasure (symbolized by the ejaculation) and the equally important sign that a woman's reaction to that pleasure mattered."

In Schwyzer's conversation with Glickman and with founder and director of Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health, Megan Andelloux; a different approach to the "jizz" was offered. Both agreed that for some the act may be less about degrading others but rather a longing for acceptance from their partners.

Initially I found this to be odd, being that within porn the all mighty penis is praised and bowed down to. Outside of the porn, the world caters to the penis as well. So, while men may harbor their own feelings of insecurity, it strikes me as odd that they might try to absolve it by ejaculating onto their partners.

As a woman I can certainly tell you that I have a love/hate relationship with my vagina. I recognize that there are a myriad of reasons as to why a man might feel insecure about his own genitalia. Being that we exist within a pornography saturated environment, the pressure to measure up, so to speak, is foisted onto men. Although men and their penises are catered to within the mainstream, it may seem odd that a man would feel awkward about his penis. But the fact is, men too have anxieties about their bodies just as women do.

I am not at all unsympathetic or unsympathetic to this issue. My complaint is that if a man feels that ejaculating onto a woman's face is the way to gain her acceptance and approval, then there must be a lack of communication somewhere.When I want to feel that I am accepted and appreciated by my partner, I speak to him about it. I express my feelings. If the issue is that I need a man to SHOW me that he has accepted me, I do not feel the need to request that through an act of humiliation.

Schwyzer makes certain to mention that, "No one should be obligated to endure humiliation for the sake of someone else's longing for validation", but also asserted that there are many women out there who thoroughly enjoy being ejaculated onto. I do not disagree with him.

I appreciated this article as it indeed offered a new take onto a "sticky" subject. I find it problematic however, that a man would not only seek validation through such an act, but also that he would do it without communicating to his loved one. I am hearing Schwyzer's statements about validation. Ignoring this suggestion would be insensitive. My belief is that there are better alternatives to "jizz."