Get. Real

The concept of realness has become fashionable as well as political.

I remember when I first heard Jennifer Lopez' "Jenny From the Block", I grimaced at the lyric line, "Can't forget to stay real. To me its like breathing, yeah". It seemed forced; as if she had to get that line out there to prove that she is grounded. Put it in a lyric line and poof; it is so. I am not making any statements as to whether I think Ms. Lopez is "real" or not. I am commenting on the concept that seems to be defended on different levels and by strange means.

I never saw the film, "Real Women Have Curves", but I disliked the title immediately. I think fat shaming is deplorable and I think it is important for thicker women to be presented in the media in a healthy way. When I say, "healthy", I mean that I find it unnecessary to flaunt bigger women in the exploitive way that so many thin women are.

I dislike the promotional tag and new sociological idea of what is supposedly real. If real women have curves, are thinner women less real? Starvation is not authentic, however, some larger women give in to societal pressures that are not necessarily authentic as well. Being our authentic self, whatever that may be, is an on going journey for us all. It doesn't help us when anyone tells us what real is.

In April of 2011, I wrote a post on this blog, entitled, Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore's DNA Campaign: Good Cause, Bad Promotional Line. In that post I spoke about my distaste for the "Real Men Don't Buy Girls" tagline.  The worthy project missioned to educate those about  pedophiles and sex trafficking.

As a feminist I've seen less than mainstream media make statements such as, "real men are feminists," and "real men cry." Even though the sentiments behind these statements are well intended, I think they do more harm then good. What makes a man, is a question that has been delved into by feminists for ions. What makes a woman is now a question that is getting some attention. Neither of these questions are inappropriate as the nature vs. nurture debate is an important one. The "real" campaigns however, are not supporting an intellectual intrigue or critique.

The concept of what's real is often placed before an audience when someone or a group of someones; wants to put forth an idea of what should or should not be. We get plenty of this when we see a model flashing before us on a junk food commercial, or when we walk by a Cosmopolitan Magazine that tells us to buy a perfume that will some how drive the men wild.

Those who believe they are rooting for the underdog by insisting that they are "real" are most likely intending to go against the grain. The goal is to bring wide audiences to an idea and to attract popularity. This is doing more harm than good. It glorifies one concept and shames the other.

While a man who purchases girls for sex is certainly a man of low quality, he is not any less real than the pope. He is a man of low character, he is a sick and twisted individual who needs to be in jail. But why is he less of a man? There are behaviors and moral ideals that we would like other people to inhabit, but if someone does not encompass what it is you want, it has nothing to do with their gender. I'd love for all women and men to call themselves feminists but if you are a raging sexist I am not considering you to be less of a human being. Simply someone who's mindset is -- wrong, to put it simply.

As a woman I am well aware of the consequences of patriarchy. I've felt them first hand and I witness how it affects women and men alike. I also understand how many straight women yearn for a sensitive liberal man to fit into their romantic lives. Many of us ladies are thrilled at the thought of a man who expresses himself or a man who can cry. When a man cannot do these things we may blame patriarchy. This may not be an unfair assessment, however, these men are not unreal.

Embracing who you are as a person is an important goal. We all have insecurities, weaknesses and faults. It seems that some rather overcompensate by asserting how real they think they are or want to be. Others discriminate against others while glorifying themselves or what they believe is their own type. Understand that when you label yourself as real you are labeling someone else as less than. You are depriving someone of their journey. If those individuals feel stuck or have no interest in evolving that is their own choice. Sometimes those choices have personal consequences or consequences to larger groups. Telling someone else that they are not real is not helpful. Educating others or encouraging others to expand their thinking is something else.