The Stay at Home Daughters Movement: The Frightening Enslavement of Women to their Fathers and Husbands

I am a Christian woman. Often I am exposed to a story or occurrence in the media that goes against what I believe Christian ethics encompass. The below is a prime example.



Sisters Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin The Stay At Home Daughters movement. The sisters are the authors of the Visionary Daughters blog and the book So Much More: The Remarkable Influence of Visionary Daughters on the Kingdom of God. From the book stemmed a documentary entitled Return of the Daughters (click the link to see the trailer).

“Daughters aren’t to be independent. They’re not to act outside the scope 
of their father. As long as they’re under the authority of their fathers, fathers have the ability to nullify or not the oaths and the vows. Daughters can’t just go out 
independently and say, ‘I’m going to marry whoever I want.’ No. The father has 
the ability to say, ‘No, I’m sorry, that has to be approved by me.’”
-----Article from Bitch Magazine quotes Doug Phillips, the San Antonio minister who's the founder of Christian Patriarchy org Vision Forum

The Stay at Home Daughters Movement encourages women to forgo college and employment in favor of more domestic activities. Women are not to pursue outside goals as it is viewed as selfish. Within this movement women learn to cook, sew and learn to make candles and soap. A father is considered his daughter’s authority until she marries. Once a woman marries her husband is in control.

The Botkin sisters, mentioned earlier have been quoted as saying, “College campuses have become dangerous places of anxiety, wasted years, mental defilement and moral derangement." Neither sister has actually attended college. According to Alternet.com, the sisters quote a document from the pro-patriarchy website Fathers for Life , “prime purposes of feminism are to establish a lesbian-socialist republic and to dismantle the family unit.”

The movement encourages women to abandon any sense of self. Apparently an a sense of identity is reserved for men only. This movement promotes the idea that women are to live in response to their fathers and husbands. It is within this practice that patriarchal dominance is disguised in the wrappings and bow of Christian compassion and morale.

"Furthermore, the stay-at-home-daughter movement holds that girls are only ready to marry when they’ve completely tamed individualistic traits -- when, as the Botkins put it, they’ve learned to “submit to an imperfect man’s ‘whims’ as well as his heavy requirements. To order our lives around another person. To esteem and reverence [sic] and adore a man whose faults we can see clearly every day.” Fathers are never to be criticized or even teased: “When you speak of him to others, you shouldn’t talk about his mistakes, but of the good things he’s done. When you speak of him,
 instead of criticizing and nagging him for his faults, you should tell him how much you admire his strengths,” say the Botkins. Stay-at-home daughter Ruth says she honors her father by finding out his favorite colors and wearing them; Kelly says she finds that her father’s convictions “are becoming my convictions, his passions my passions.” Although it’s likely that many women would find such an existence frustrating and unhappy, if not completely infantilizing, within the context of the Christian Patriarchy Movement it’s not difficult to see the appeal. After all, women raised in the CPM are brought up to believe that the world outside their community is sin-filled, godless, and dangerous; opting for stay-at-home daughterhood represents a lifetime of safety."
---------------Article from Alternet.org

According to the movement the daughters are at fault if the fathers and husbands fail in reaching goals such as successful marriage, employment and so on. If the men fail it means that the women have not assisted them enough through their submissive roles. Women are to speak to others about their successes and are not allowed to mention their shortcomings.

Under these guidelines it seems that men can do no wrong. I also believe that women are allowing themselves to be quite vulnerable in these situations. If a man were to become violent a Stay at Home Daughter may feel that it is her fault that she is abused. If she were only to submit as she has been trained then she will be able to show her husband she is worthy of his love.

This movement is harmful and those who participate believe they are serving God. If I were to follow this doctrine I would have a very different life. As a single 30 year old woman I would not have the bachelors and masters degree I have now. I would not live in my own home, I would forever be dependent on men. I would not be my own person. I would be a prisoner.

I thank the Lord that he has blessed me and I thank him for his encouragement along my on going path of self discovery and self love.