1995

In 1995 I was 15. For me, teenage angst was best represented in that magnificent vessels that were Drew Barrymore and Courtney Love. Teenage angst and clinical depression was a tough gig. When looking for someone to identify with I stumbled upon two of the prettiest women I had ever seen.

I didn't desire to be as reckless as they were but I saw myself in them and there were parts of their spirits that I yearned for.

I officially fell in love with idea of Drew Barrymore when I saw the film Mad Love, in which she plays a young girl with Bipolar Disorder. After the film I found myself drawn towards the tortured soul characters. The wise beyond their years, young women. Women who were incredibly beautiful but did not know it. I wanted to be as beautiful as they were.

I can tell you today that I no longer need to feel that I am as in sync with the way I perceived these women in 1995. And I'm still not that beautiful girl. But what's great is that I am not as tortured either.

If you haven't figure it out, this is a reflective piece. One that is sure to go nowhere. Hell; my blog, my blah.

Drew was the girl that was "deep" enough to wear daisies in her hair and glitter on her face. She was lovingly quirky and I wanted to feel that unique. Teenage angst and/or clinical depression is a place of longing and yearning. Longing and yearning to be almost any place else than where you are and a different person than who you are. And most usually the person you want is set in your mind. For me it was Courtney and for me it was Drew.

This is the Drew Barrymore I remember. I'd like to know where the two thrift shop slips Barrymore wore in the above photo are. I'd like to know which garbage pail they ended up in. She did say that what she wore to the Batman Forever movie premiere were thrift store slips. I loved that.

September 18, 1995 Vol. 44 No. 12

I typed in Drew Barrymore 1995 into the Google search engine and this popped up. I tore this out of a People's magazine back then and I still have it. I know exactly where it is. It's buried under rubble, but I know where it is. I remember feeling insulted that she was labeled worst dressed in her thrift shop gear.

I remember how taken a back I was when Barrymore dyed her hair black. I didn't know what to make of it but eventually I decided it worked.

When I learned that Drew Barrymore and Courtney Love had become friends, I remember feeling excited. My two idols coming together.

Here Barrymore and Love dyed their hair dark together. I remember feeling shocked when I saw this image. It was taken at the Primal Fear premiere in 1996.

Barrymore was dating Hole's bassist Eric Erlandson at the time. Erlandson's family lived (lives?) in San Pedro, CA. I grew up in Pedro. So, all of this of course, felt like some pleasing yet distant and miniscule connection.

I have no real way to end this post. It's a memory lane ride that didn't last very long. But perhaps pick a year from your past. Any year. Put your finger on it in your mind and then pick up some images from that period. Anything or anyone that you felt drawn to? How do you feel about that time now?

Who we admire at a certain period in our lives are very representative of who we are, where we are and who and where we want to be. Over the course of our lives that changes.

All the images I have used here are ones I remember well from 1994 to 1996.