to owe

Photographed By Matthew Evrard

"One of the things you have to do in this world is keep track of the people that you owe."
----"Shoot or Stab Them" from the album Fellow Workers (1999) by Utah Phillips and Ani Difranco

I disagree. The words above are no doubt profound but they miss the mark. These words were birthed by the great folk singer, poet, storyteller, anarchist, activist, ex-Wobbly and labor organizer, U. Utah Phillips. A man born on my exact birth date and month and a man who died too early. The year was 2008. He is missed.

The concept of "owing" and "deserving" is fascinating and complicated. I do not believe that we owe anyone anything in this world. Unless it is contracted, there needn't be any pursuit of payback. If you make an agreement to pay someone back money, being that you borrowed it to begin with, then you will owe. If you borrow, you give it back. This is where the concept of owing stops.

Despite the fact that we live in a competitive and often selfish world, we also live in a world with a lot of joy, love, perseverance and patience. Phillips often told stories that didn't make it to the history books. The struggle of laborers, the struggle of women. The blood, sweat and tears that might make history class a little too serious. Phillips placed a lot of emphasis on the importance of listening to one's elders. Union workers, anti-war heroes, poets, hobos, musicians and anyone who has graced another with friendship and education.

As a feminist, I have many people to give thanks to, past and present. Susan B. Anthony, Mother Jones aka Mary Harris Jones, Gloria Steinem, Bell Hooks, Eve Ensler, Robert Jensen, Hugo Schwyzer, Jackson Katz, and Michael Kimmel, just to name a few.

As a psychiatric social worker I am thankful to Carl Jung, Dorothea Dix, Irvin D. Yalom, and R.D. Laing to name a few.

As a dancer I am grateful to Frankie Manning, Dean Collins, Jewel McGowan, Norma Miller, Misty Copeland and Gregory Hines to name a few.

As an evolving person I am grateful to God, Dr. Wayne Dyer, The Dalai Lama, Gary Zukav, Abraham-Hicks, and Eckhart Tolle to name a few.

I could expand these categories and name many many more. We all have our lists of people who have influenced our life, be it in passing or those who have sat in our very own living rooms. 

I can't imagine that any of the individuals I mentioned could look an admirer in the face and suggest that they owe them anything. I do not owe the women who underwent the hardships of the suffrage movement. I do not owe them thanks but I give it willfully and joyfully. I do not owe Irvin D. Yalom for being the best psychotherapist there ever was. One who's work I continue to study to this day. I do not owe Mary Harris Jones aka Mother Jones for being "the most dangerous woman in America", as she assisted in organizing mine workers and their families against the mine owners. I do not owe, Frankie Manning for being the "Ambassador of Lindy Hop." I do not owe God a damn thing, even though he has guided me through all my years. I give thanks humbly. I give thanks, I give thanks, I give thanks. 

Sometimes a person gives of themselves to help either just themselves or for the sole purpose of helping others. Sometimes a person may seek to do something that they enjoy and it just so happens to influence others in a positive way. This is truly wonderful. In the end it seems that all benefit and this big blue ball (or tiny, depending on how you see things) becomes a better place.

I'd like to believe that those who have offered such gifts to the world have done so benevolently. Why do something if you are only hoping to get a thank you in return?

This seems simplistic but for some it can be a hard one to choke down. Can you imagine giving someone a present and not hearing a "thank you" in return? I think at some point in our lives we have heard that it's important to give without expecting anything in return. But when you feel snubbed what are you to do? 

The fact of the matter is; that if Person B does not thank Person A for a gift, Person B is being quite rude. Whether Person B likes or dislikes the gift makes no matter. If Person B were to be truly humble, Person B would be thankful that Person A was thinking of them. Person A can go forward knowing that Person B was impolite but could benefit from reminding themselves that they didn't give the gift so as to receive a "thank you." 

There are different ways in which the rudeness of Person B's behavior can be addressed. The point is that when it comes down to it, Person B did not OWE Person A a anything.

So, the next time you help someone out of a jam, or you go beyond the call of duty, think twice before shouting something like, "You owe me!" Chances are they really don't. 

Yes, Utah, tells us that, "One of the things you have to do in this world, is keep track of the people that you owe." I disagree. I think, one of the things we all should do in this world, is keep track of the people we are grateful for.

Let us remember those who have done great things. Let us remember those who inspire us. Those who give us energy and give us motivation. Those who we emulate, those who have guided us. Those who are so benevolent that they have rubbed off their greatness onto us. Let us remember. Let us be thankful and let us pass on their stories so that others can be thankful as well. And let us continue to give of ourselves benevolently. Amen.