Cry Cry Cry

(source)

I just read an interesting article from The Good Men Project entitled "When Was the Last Time You Cried?" The article speaks specifically to men.

I think it's common knowledge that stereotypical belief states that men often do not cry. What is often not acknowledged is that patriarchy teaches men from a young age that crying is a female thing.

I have often been in the presence of men who insult other men by comparing them to women. I've been near men who have made comments such as, "He cried like a girl!", "He screamed like a girl!". In fact I have heard women make these statements as well which just goes to show you how powerful patriarchy can be. It influences both sexes.

I am female and I rarely cry. Being that society grants women permission to cry I know that my lack of tear shedding is not due to any outside pressures consistent with patriarchy.. So, why do I rarely cry? Perhaps it's resilience, perhaps stubbornness, or fear of judgment.  I'm not certain.

I just read an article from WebMD that addresses this issue. To read Why We Cry: The Truth About Tearing Up click here. The article states that experts aren't completely sure as to why some cry more than others. There may be a number of factors but it is still a mystery.

I came across a blog post from a site called ActiveRain.com. The website appears to be a real estate website and it has a blog. I found a post by a woman named Nancy Larson called A Woman's Tear.

A Woman's Tear tells the story of a young boy who finds his mother crying and he asks her why. His mother tells her she is crying because she is a woman. When the young boy says he does not understand she tells him he never will. When the boy asks his father why his mother cries he tells him that women cry for no reason.

When the boy grows into adulthood he is still confused as to why women cry so he asks God. God tells the man that when he created woman he made her special.

"I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world,

Yet gentle enough to give comfort."


"I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children."


"I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining." 


"I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly." 


""I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart. 


"I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly." 


"And finally, I gave her a tear to shed." "This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed."
"That tear holds more then men could understand." 


" If a man was to shed her tear it

Would look enormous."

To read the entire post click here.

I am very much put off by the above story. It seems that this story is meant to flatter women and I think that is pretty empty. If we are to follow the "men do not cry and women do" argument then it seems this story is also meant to humble men and have them some how understand that women are spectacular and true warriors. The story tells us that men are incapable of experiencing emotion and sensitivity. Women are great and men are great but not because of gender.

Soooo...
When was the last time YOU cried? I am someone who rarely cries however, I have noticed a slight change in myself as I have grown older. I am finding that kindness will cause me to well up. If I'm watching an award show such as the Grammys or Oscars I will feel the warmth of tears behind my eyes when I witness an award winner present themselves as grateful and truly happy. Sometimes I'll come across a commercial that depicts characters that are selfless towards each other. Fictionalized yes but impactful just the same.

If I sense that others are sad I may cry. If I feel strongly embarrassed I tend to cry. I will say that I really do hate it when I cry due to embarrassment. It took me a long time to realize that it is possible to cry from feeling embarrassed.

There have been three instances where I had actually cried in public and they all occurred within the last five years. Crying that many times in that time span is a lot for me. I will say though, that those three instances felt liberating.

The first situation occurred in 2006 when I was in graduate school. I was on a cell phone and crying as I walked through the campus. Didn't care.

The second situation had me crying as I was driving. I didn't care who saw me, I didn't care of drivers were to turn their heads to look at the hysterical girl in the next lane over.

The third sob fest occurred in front of co-workers. Now THIS was difficult when it initially happened. I think we all want to put our best foot forward at work and I think crying in a work environment does not suggest stability or control. But after a minute of crying I thought about how I had every reason to cry due to a personal issue and in the end my co-workers were supportive of me.

Although I think moving forward I would prefer not to cry in public I am feeling more comfortable with it. I think people should cry in public more often to be honest. I'd like for it to be thought of as acceptable.

Crying is tricky business and I am finding that it is more complex than I originally thought.