Men Who Want to Fight the Good Fight Against "Locker Room Talk": But What Should They Say?

Just recently I was reading an article called Overheard in the Men's Room which I found on the feminist blogsite Feministing. The article speaks to a familiar subject that as a feminist I have been concerned about for years. Men are often in the near vicinity of other men who make sexist remarks. What if man 1 feels uncomfortable with what his cronies, man 2, 3, and 4 are saying?

Whether man 1 labels himself to be a feminist or not, he has an opportunity to do the right thing. He has the opportunity to speak up and tells his friends that their comment or comments are sexist and that they make him uncomfortable.

Man 1's silence might suggest that he agrees with his friends. It would be helpful if man 1 were to think about how in that setting with other men, a man's opposition to sexism might actually be heard as to where a  woman's insight might not.

In the article Overheard in the Men's Room, the author tells the story of how her friend and she were attending a wedding. Her male friend had just come from the men's room to relay what he had heard some men gossiping about in the men's room. The conversation was crude and sexist and the author's friend didn't know what to do.

“So, did you say anything?” I asked.

“No. I mean, what would I have said?” he responded.

What, indeed.

A man who steps up to the plate in this situation is definitely a brave one. It's possible that he will be made fun of or ostracized. Being that it is so common for men to cut each other down by making sexist and/or homophobic remarks, he may even run the risk of being called names such as "pussy," or "gay". But if man 1 has had enough with the historical tradition of men bonding over sexism then I suggest do something about it.

So, what IS a man to say?

I believe whatever a man decides to say doesn't have to be extremely confrontational. It can be put casually and briefly. A simple, "come on guys, that's not cool, we can be more respectful than that right?" might suffice. If whatever is said brings forth questioning from man 2, 3 and 4, so be it. I wouldn't think it odd for a man to think of some possible responses ahead of time.

Being bold enough to stand up for women may not always be easy. I sympathize with this because it is not always easy to do the right thing no matter what it is. Furthermore, it is not always easy to present yourself as pro-feminism when you are outnumbered by male chauvinists.

Another issue for men who stand up for what is right is the issue of safety. Feminist and gender studies professor Hugo Schwyzer wrote about the issue of street harassment in his blog post Street Harassment and Recruiting Alpha Males.  While Schywer has a lot good things to say within his blog post I am going to offer a quote from one of his responses to his blog commenters.

"Folks, each of us has to consider the threat of physical violence before intervening in any situation. That doesn’t mean we can’t be brave, doesn’t mean we have other obligations beyond our safety, but we do need to realize that many harassers are anything but 'empty talk'. It depends on the environment, whether the harassers are intoxicated, how many there are, and so forth."

It is also important for men to understand that it is not about being a knight in shining armour but about going against the grain of patriarchy. This also goes for situations when you find yourself surrounded by men watching porn, or men who want to take you to a strip club, or men who whip out the porn mags.

Standing up for what you believe can be really hard but it can also be rewarding. Decide whether you are able to address or ignore what you stand for.