Understanding Us Introverts

In 2001 I had entered my senior year of college. I was taking part in a multi-cultural counseling program at The Evergreen State College in Olympia, Washington.

It was there that I took the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (personality type test). It was within this test that I learned that there are four specified types of introverts and four types of extroverts. I learned that my specific type of introversion makes up only 1% of the population.

I will speak more about my type of introversion later. But I will say that it was this test that first aided me in the journey to embracing my introversion.

I used to think that being called an introvert was an insult. I learned that is more than just not being an outgoing personality.

Just recently I read an article in The Huffington Post that hoped to educate extroverts about their introverted friends.

The article split up informations under descriptive headlines. Below I have kept the headlines from the article but added my own personalized opinion about each.

Again, if you wish to read the original article, click here.

If you care to read more opinions from author, Sophia Dembling, go to her blog Introvert Corner.

It's All About Energy:
A big difference between introverts and extroverts is that certain social interactions are energizing to extroverts but at times draining for introverts.
For instance...I may enjoy a party but will probably leave early. Additionally, it is difficult for me to go out and then go home to bed right after. I need some time to recuperate and settle down.

I don't often spend time hanging out in groups. I'm more of a one on one person. I find that at times when a third or forth person is added to the mix I at times fall silent and simply observe rather than join.

I don't need to come out of my shell:
A huge misconception about introverts is that we are all shy. One can be introverted and shy, or introverted and not shy (Same with extroversion). When I'm in the mood to socialize, I am friendly and interactive but I personally do not have an extremely outgoing personality. When I don't feel like going out and rather spend time alone or in company at home it is a choice and has nothing to do with fear or shyness.

Read more at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/irene-s-levine/the-inside-scoop-on-your_b_345805.html&cp

The more is not the merrier:
If I make plans with someone it can be disappointing if the other party invites other people to join at the last minute. Introverts usually prefer one on one to groups and it's disappointing when the nice cozy visit I expected turns into a big group outing. Again this does not mean that it is impossible for me to enjoy socializing in groups however it is definitely not the preference.

Anything but the telephone:
Like many introverts I prefer in person conversations than over the phone. Introverts tend to think and respond slowly, and dead air on the telephone doesn't work. Although I can speak on the phone for hours with certain people at times I can be awkward on the phone and I communicate in other ways.

Yes, I like online communication:
The internet is quite wonderful for introverts. Understand that it is not a replacement for face-to-face interaction, but rather helps to stay connected between visits. Being an introvert doesn't meant I'm a "loner" with virtual friends no "real" friends.

As an introvert I communicate well through letter/email writing. It helps me organize my thoughts and I personally find the clicking of the computer keys to be therapeutic.

***

Years ago I purchased a book entitled The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World by Marti Olsen Laney, Phy.D. Admittedly, I have yet to read this book as it sits on my book shelf.



What drew me into this book was not just the title but the back cover description.

"Do you "zone out" if too much is going on? Are you energized by spending time alone? In meetings, do you need to be asked for your opinions and ideas? Do you tend to notice details that other people miss? Is your ideal celebration a small get-together, rather than a big party? Do you often feel like a tortoise surrounded by hares?"

This is definitely me.

I can't help but feel that we are all living in an extroverted world. By that I mean that more often than not it is the extroverts that are rewarded over the introverts. This may sound like a sob song but in my experience this has been the case.

For example, I noticed from my teens that when I was entering the work force I had to put on a more outgoing persona if I wished to be hired. Certainly, we all put our best foot forward when we are interviewing but I knew that I wasn't outgoing, I knew that I didn't smile as frequently as some others and that this may be viewed as a hindrance. It takes quite a bit of energy to extend myself farther than I am comfortable with.

Even in my career I find some areas of struggle. As a psychiatric/clinical social worker I work with adults with severe and persistent mental illness. I thrive in one on one situations with my patients, however, I find it difficult to speak up during treatment team meetings. I have learned to facilitate group therapy sessions but ultimately I prefer one on one settings.

When I was in graduate school, I received high marks, but when in class my professors often noticed that I didn't speak up as much as the rest of my classmates. This was simply due the way I process information.

Extroverts tend to think out loud. And extrovert may voice their opinion and an introvert may think....that's it? THAT'S your conclusion? It may not be the extrovert's conclusion but simply their thinking process.

An introvert such as myself may take hours even days to arrive at a conclusion about something and the thinking process does not occur out loud.

I notice that some people are uncomfortable with my level of silence. I often live in my head. I recall one incident in graduate school when I a fellow peer asked me a question and I responded laughingly and we joked for about a minute. Another peer witnessing this said, "Wow, that's the most I've ever heard you talk!"

This irritated me. What exactly was I supposed to say in response? I just said, "really?" and turned away from her and went back to my work. But obviously, if a person doesn't speak much some may feel that something is wrong. This may not always be the case.

My friends who know me, know that I can be quite chatty when we are spending time one on one. Some friends find it hard to believe that I am at times quite in groups situations due to the fact that I can be lively when I am alone with them.

I mentioned earlier that in college I discovered through the Myers Briggs personality type test that my type of introversion is the INFJ.

I-N-F-J stands for Intuition-Sensing-Feeling-Judging.



INFJ

Beneath the quiet exterior, INFJs hold deep convictions about the weightier matters of life. Those who are activists -- INFJs gravitate toward such a role -- are there for the cause, not for personal glory or political power.

INFJs are champions of the oppressed and downtrodden. They often are found in the wake of an emergency, rescuing those who are in acute distress. INFJs may fantasize about getting revenge on those who victimize the defenseless. The concept of 'poetic justice' is appealing to the INFJ.

"There's something rotten in Denmark." Accurately suspicious about others' motives, INFJs are not easily led. These are the people that you can rarely fool any of the time. Though affable and sympathetic to most, INFJs are selective about their friends. Such a friendship is a symbiotic bond that transcends mere words.

INFJs have a knack for fluency in language and facility in communication. In addition, nonverbal sensitivity enables the INFJ to know and be known by others intimately.

Writing, counseling, public service and even politics are areas where INFJs frequently find their niche.

Functional Analysis:

Introverted iNtuition
Introverted intuitives, INFJs enjoy a greater clarity of perception of inner, unconscious processes than all but their INTJ cousins. Just as SP types commune with the object and "live in the here and now" of the physical world, INFJs readily grasp the hidden psychological stimuli behind the more observable dynamics of behavior and affect. Their amazing ability to deduce the inner workings of the mind, will and emotions of others gives INFJs their reputation as prophets and seers. Unlike the confining, routinizing nature of introverted sensing, introverted intuition frees this type to act insightfully and spontaneously as unique solutions arise on an event by event basis.

Extraverted Feeling
Extraverted feeling, the auxiliary deciding function, expresses a range of emotion and opinions of, for and about people. INFJs, like many other FJ types, find themselves caught between the desire to express their wealth of feelings and moral conclusions about the actions and attitudes of others, and the awareness of the consequences of unbridled candor. Some vent the attending emotions in private, to trusted allies. Such confidants are chosen with care, for INFJs are well aware of the treachery that can reside in the hearts of mortals. This particular combination of introverted intuition and extraverted feeling provides INFJs with the raw material from which perceptive counselors are shaped.

Introverted Thinking The INFJ's thinking is introverted, turned toward the subject. Perhaps it is when the INFJ's thinking function is operative that he is most aloof. A comrade might surmise that such detachment signals a disillusionment, that she has also been found lacking by the sardonic eye of this one who plumbs the depths of the human spirit. Experience suggests that such distancing is merely an indication that the seer is hard at work and focusing energy into this less efficient tertiary function.

Extraverted Sensing
INFJs are twice blessed with clarity of vision, both internal and external. Just as they possess inner vision which is drawn to the forms of the unconscious, they also have external sensing perception which readily takes hold of worldly objects. Sensing, however, is the weakest of the INFJ's arsenal and the most vulnerable. INFJs, like their fellow intuitives, may be so absorbed in intuitive perceiving that they become oblivious to physical reality. The INFJ under stress may fall prey to various forms of immediate gratification. Awareness of extraverted sensing is probably the source of the "SP wannabe" side of INFJs. Many yearn to live spontaneously; it's not uncommon for INFJ actors to take on an SP (often ESTP) role.