Initially when I learned of his exploits I was appalled and later moved onto the idea that he is an ignorant person whom I need not waste focus on. My issue now is that Mayer is really just one of many. Mayer's attitudes are reflective of a greater society that embraces patriarchy and racism. This is my issue and this is why I am bringing this topic to your attention.
Below is an excerpt from Mayer's Playboy interview.
MAYER: Someone asked me the other day, “What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?” And by the way, it’s sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a nigger pass. Why are you pulling a punch and calling it a hood pass if you really have a hood pass? But I said, “I can’t really have a hood pass. I’ve never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, ‘We’re full.’
PLAYBOY: It is true; a lot of rappers love you. You recorded with Common and Kanye West, played live with Jay-Z.
MAYER: What is being black? It’s making the most of your life, not taking a single moment for granted. Taking something that’s seen as a struggle and making it work for you, or you’ll die inside. Not to say that my struggle is like the collective struggle of black America. But maybe my struggle is similar to one black dude’s.
PLAYBOY: Do black women throw themselves at you?
MAYER: I don’t think I open myself to it. My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a fuckin’ David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my dick.
PLAYBOY: Let’s put some names out there. Let’s get specific.
MAYER: I always thought Holly Robinson Peete was gorgeous. Every white dude loved Hilary from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. And Kerry Washington. She’s superhot, and she’s also white-girl crazy. Kerry Washington would break your heart like a white girl. Just all of a sudden she’d be like, “Yeah, I sucked his dick. Whatever.” And you’d be like, “What? We weren’t talking about that.” That’s what “Heartbreak Warfare” is all about, when a girl uses jealousy as a tactic.
I was very surprised to read that Mayer was comfortable and arrogant enough to suggest that he knows what it is like to be black. I think it is not difficult to make the assessment that living as a minority be it a person of color, person of the LGBTQI community, or person of female gender, has its challenges. However, Mayer doesn't acknowledge that the black experience is different for each and every black individual.Mayer later states that his sees his penis as a white supremacist. Why he would want to link any part of his being to a white supremacist is beyond me.
Mayer's remarks have caused a stir over the internet and as of yesterday Mayer has apologized to his fans. Mayer said he should have never have used the N-word in any context and will never say it again.
"And it's such a shame that I did because the point I was trying to make was in the exact opposite spirit of the word itself. It was arrogant of me to think I could intellectualize using it, because I realize that there's no intellectualizing a word that is so emotionally charged," he said.
Playboy apparently posted some "highlights" of Mayer's interview and they are as follows..1. “There have probably been days when I saw 300 vaginas before I got out of bed.”
2. “My biggest dream is to write pornography.”
3. “I feel like women are getting their comeuppance against men now. I hear about man-whores more than I hear about whores. When women are whorish, they’re owning their sexuality. When men are whorish, they’re disgusting beasts.”
4. “I am a very…I’m just very. V-E-R-Y. And if you can’t handle very, then I’m a douche bag. But I think the world needs a little very. That’s why black people love me.”
5. “My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a fuckin’ David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my dick.”
While all of these statements are bothersome there is one in particular that I'd like to point out. Mayer expresses disappointment in the view that when women are promiscuous they are viewed as owning their sexuality and when men are promiscuous they are viewed as "disgusting beasts."
I would argue that promiscuity has nothing to do with owning one's sexuality regardless of gender. I understand that there has often been a double standard where promiscuous women are looked down upon while promiscuous men are often considered to be heroes.
Some women have attempted to turn this around and have begun celebrating promiscuity as if it equates to automatic status and bragging rights. I have never understood the attitude of, "well if the guys are doing it we can do it too!" I am more in favor of promoting healthy relationships that are based on trust, respect, fidelity and hard work and longevity. Promiscuity is a case of using another person for surfaced reasons. In this culture this concept is often praised and celebrated. This fact exhausts me.
Further along in the Playboy interview Mayer continues along the path of misogyny.
PLAYBOY: Why do you do it?
MAYER: Because I want to show her I’m not like every other guy. Because I hate other men. When I’m fucking you, I’m trying to fuck every man who’s ever fucked you, but in his ass, so you’ll say “No one’s ever done that to me in bed.”
What bothers me right off the bat is Mayer's incessant use of the word "fuck". To fuck is not to have sex WITH someone, it is something else entirely. It is an act of doing something TO someone. It is an egotistical act. He does not speak respectfully but aggressively. There is nothing kind, vulerable, or authentic about "fucking". To "fuck" is to disregard one's true self and it is my belief that many hide behind "fucking." I would never ever want to be "fucked" in my life time.
Mayer goes on to say that he wants to make a woman breakfast in bed not because he is thoughtful, caring and genuinely generous but because he wants to her to praise him. Mayer admits to this level of egotism and admits further that he does not want the woman to develop real feelings for him.
Mayer admits to his insecurities (although I am not sure if he understands that he is insecure) by stating that he wishes to outdo every other man that came before the woman he is sleeping with. His mind set reflects his over blown ego, his desire for high status and self-indulgence.
It is amazing to me that any woman would want to develop a relationship with a man of this nature however there are many many John Mayers in the world. As I mentioned earlier I am disappointed in John Mayer not just as an individual but because he is an example of so many in our culture.
I think many of us are shocked by his viewpoints as he is actually willing to admit them outloud. Sure Mayer's views are offensive but I do not go to anger but rather sadness. Views such as these are not only offensive but they are destructive and they do everyone a disservice. View such as these bring forth harm. Not just harm against women and people of color but harm against society as a whole. Views such as these do not promote trust, love, or personal growth.
So, now what?
There's nothing we can do about John Mayer is there? Is there anything we can do about those who join his line of thinking? Is it our job to educate others? Is that too much of a burden or is it exactly what is needed?
These are all tough questions but they are ones that I have revisited in my head. As a female am I free from the perils of sexism? As a person of mixed race am I free from internal racism? Doubtful.
It is easy to become upset over what someone else says or does. It didn't take much effort to be affected by John Mayer's words. It's easy to say that he is far more racist or sexist than I am or could ever be. And while I may at times feel helpless because my efforts to continually educate myself, or my small acts of activism may not feel like enough to assist myself and others, ultimately I can only take responsibility for myself. And taking responsibility for oneself is not easy. Hopefully John Mayer will one day truly take responsibility for himself. That is my hope for us all.
No comments:
Post a Comment