What does it mean to be a man? The challenge of ignoring societal constructs - Robert Jensen speaks

What does it mean to be a man? Do I as a woman know any better or any more than a man? Well, certainly a man knows what it is like to grow from child to adult with male parts, with others viewing him as male and with a conscious or subconscious knowledge of societal constructs which often dictate what it is to be male. I as a woman certainly do not know what it is to be a man however I would argue that there are many many men out there who are also confused.

As a woman I too am familiar with societal constructs. I have male friends in my life, I have had male romantic partners and have interacted with male family members, co-workers and random strangers.

In other words I have felt the presence of a socially constructed notion of what manhood should be and I have felt violated by it.

So, what is this social construct? In a word, dominance. The word is essentially an umbrella for many specifics. Sexual dominance is often on the top of the list when I think of male dominance. I do not speak just of rape but I speak of attitudes that we accept as the norm. Attitudes that men are responsible for initiating sex, dates, payment of dates, or opening doors. Attitudes that men are responsible alone for creating a female orgasm or pleasure rather than WITH the woman. A general sense of machismo that comes across in language, demeanor, and energy. In general, dominance equates to a lack of humility and a lack of genuine appreciation. These are attitudes that so many women accept. These are attitudes that are perpetrated and accepted among straight and gay partners alike.

Many parents today may not literally turn to their male children and tell them that they need to be more masculine (although I'm sure there are a fair number of parents who do) however at some point in a boy's life I wouldn't be surprised if someone at some point conveys to them than they need to just "be a man" or that they just need to "man up".

Some link certain qualities such as responsibility and protection with manliness. While taking responsibility for oneself may be a good quality to harvest it is a human quality not a manly quality. Imagine the pressure of having to live up to being manly when one is already born a male? I can attest to having heard phrases like these being used towards young men and I have cringed each time.

While there are probably innate differences between men and women I think too often do men rely and do women accept the concept of, "well, I'm just a guy." I think that is the easy and lazy way out. It provides men with an excuse to avoid asking some serious questions about their own behaviors and personal ideals and many women have accepted the idea that they have to settle for men in their lives that are less respectful, less sensitive, less conscientious, less aware, less likely to seek self improvement.

Today I came across the below video of anti-pornography feminist, activist, professor and author Robert Jensen. I am a great admirer of Jensen and have read several of his books and follow his work.

Here Jensen speaks about the concepts of what masculinity is in our culture.


Robert Jensen speaks about masculinity and feminism at the Minnesota Mens Action Network on October 2nd, 2009

In his speech Jensen mentions that pornography is a reminder of who you are in the world particularly if you are a woman. Some may combat that statement to say that porn and real life can certainly be compartmentalized. I beg to differ. Not all individuals gay or straight view pornography in the form of explicit videos or from a seat in a strip club. Despite this, advertising, magazines, television, radio and other forms of media have often grabbed our attention or at the very least flashed before our eyes from time to time. In addition attitudes that mimic, applaud and promote a pornographic line of thinking exist within many. In short we live in a pornographic society.

Jensen is pointing out that the idea of dominance is deeply woven into our society and into idea of what sexuality is and can be, and it is woven into our definitions of masculinity and femininity.
So, how can men and women release themselves from the threads of patriarchy? I'd say it takes time. If one is truly fed up, truly confused, truly irritated, truly exhausted then one must educate themselves and decided for themselves how they want to live. And that my friends takes time. Will we take the time? Is it worth it? I think it is.

For more information on Robert Jensen go to his faculty home page.


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This page lists his books, documentaries, articles, speaking dates and contact information.