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For those who haven't heard there is this new sick phenomenon called Ex-Gay Touch Therapy. Yes, this is as offensive as it sounds. Religious conservatives attempting to "pray the gay away." Or in this case cuddle it away. Sound preposterous? It is.
Ex-gay touch therapy is essentially cuddling. Those who are on board with this form of therapy, oppose homosexuality, and insist that being gay is caused by a lack of love from fathers. The claim is that when boys are deprived of affection from their fathers, they end up sexually craving male touch.
I just read an article from Salon, called Cuddling the Gay Away written by Tracy Clark-Flory. It was from this article that I was lead to the article called What Happened When I Went Undercover at a Christian Go Gay to Straight Conversion Camp. The article was written by Ted Cox and was posted on Alternet.
Cox details his experience at the Journey Into Manhood camp and his witness to the process. First watch the introduction trailer for Journey Into Manhood.
After watching this I felt exhausted. During it I felt a physical tightness in my chest and a tears cradled in my eyes. Journey into Manhood is pure cruelty masked in cuddles and hugs and therapeutic voices.
Cox tells us that when he arrived at the conversion retreat, and checked in, a male staff member dressed in black and holding a wooden staff asked Cox and other members of the group to follow him. The staff member asks, "What is a man?" After Cox replies he is ushered to a group of men standing a good distance away from each other leading to a lodge. They ask questions such as, "How do you know you’re a man?", "Why are you here?"
He describes three different positions practiced at the retreat. I am posting Cox' descriptions here word for word.
First: Side-by-side, where two men sit shoulder-to-shoulder, facing the same direction, their legs outstretched in front of them. The man giving the Healing Touch puts one arm around the receiver.
Second: The Cohen Hold, named after “certified sexual re-orientation coach” and Healing Touch pioneer Richard Cohen. For this position, the receiver sits between the legs of the giver, their chests perpendicular, the receiver’s head resting on the giver’s shoulder. The giver encircles his arms around the receiver.
Third: The Motorcycle. The receiver again sits between the legs of the giver; this time, the receiver leans his back up against the chest of the giver. Again, the giver wraps his arms around the receiver.
Cox describes how at one point during a Motorcycle hold, music played in the background and eventually the whole room was singing. As Cox was held, his guide began whispering sweet nothings into his ear. “Long ago, you were the Golden Child. But, somehow, that Golden Child was hurt, and you put up a wall to protect yourself.”
Cox tells us that at one point during a cuddling session he felt the erection of the man holding him, pressing against him.
Cox witnessed appalling practices in which men acted out beating their fathers with fists or baseball bats. Guides encouraged the men to yell and get their aggressions out, while other members egged them them on as well.
It seems that in the end the retreat was filled with struggling men. Whether they truly believed that they were living a sinful life or they were pressured into making an attempt to jump into straightville. My heart goes out to them.
According to Clark-Flory, Richard Cohen, author, of "Coming Out Straight", says that, "It is natural for us to feel stimulation when we are intimate with either someone of the same or opposite sex." He goes onto say, "Do not become hooked on holding," because "this technique can be addictive."
Below is brief CNN footage (2006) featuring Cohen acting out two of the practices utilized during touch therapy.
Below is a Nightline piece (2010) documenting a man's personal experience at Journey into Manhood.
The men who attend this retreat are taught to believe that "masculinity" equates to heterosexual life. They are damaging themselves and the inner dialogue that they practice. I think most of us have heard stories of gay men and women committing suicide as they cannot bear the shame and guilt. Whether one chooses to take their life or not, I can only imagine the battle that exists within their head. I will not pretend to understand how difficult this is as I am nowhere close to being in their shoes.
The men taking upon this "journey" are lying to themselves and lying to their families. Lying to their wives or girlfriends and/or children. I do not judge the men who are suffering. I can only hope that at some point they will embrace who they are regardless as to how family and friends respond. I can't imagine that coming out is an easy choice being that there is so much to lose. On the other hand there is so much to gain.
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