When Sisterhood Suffers

“I had to leave the house of fashion
go forth naked from its doors
cuz women should be allies
not competitors”

~Ani Difranco

Image © Getty Images via Your Adonis

How often do we ladies think about sisterhood? Do we ever stop to think about what it means or what it could mean? I don’t often use the word sisterhood in my daily lexicon but every now and again something stops me in my tracks and reminds me just how important it is.

I get along with men more so than women and it has been this way since high school. When it comes to romantic relationships, the fear of hurt and abandonment settles in and then I seek the comfort of my female tribe.  And every now and then when I have been winded from time spent with men, I find myself feeling refreshed by the presence of female friends.  

Perhaps the notion of sisterhood escapes me due to the fact that I find deeper friendships with men or perhaps it is that we women have been groomed to compete against one another.

As I mentioned something did indeed stop me in my tracks. I read an article by a man whose work I often find inspiring. Gender studies professor, Hugo Schwyzer is a columnist for The Good Men Project and Jezebel. He recently wrote a post entitled, “Short Skirts Magically Turn Women into Bitches.” 

 Schwyzer makes the comical yet, most likely true statement that, “Sisterhood is easier in the Winter.”  Schwyzer shares the story of how he often witnesses young women offer up the evil eye when watching scantily clad classmates stroll by. He mentions that tag lines such as “Who does she think she is?” and “What a slut” follow the scrutinizing glances.  Slut shaming is a topic of much discussion within feminist circles lately; especially in light of the Slutwalk rallies. Out of Slutwalk has come many things – some good some bad. Some misunderstand the heart of Slutwalk and Slutwalk has received much criticism and much support within feminist communities. One of the positives that has come from Slutwalk is that for better or worse we have been forced to look at the concept of sisterhood.   In Schwyzer’s article he puts forth the idea that women criticize each other’s appearance often because they believe in the myth that men will always cheat and they will do so certainly when they set their eyes onto a scantily clad woman.  

Schwyzer asserts that, “This ‘myth of male weakness’ outsources men's sexual self-control to women. For decades now, junk science has foisted the "caveman mystique" onto us, insisting that testosterone, Y chromosomes, and evolution trump the willpower and empathy of even the most well-intentioned dude. We're hardwired to be promiscuous, hardwired to stare at nubile young women, and hardwired to cheat if given half a chance. Ignoring the reality that women have their own libidos (and their own demonstrable propensity to stray), the male myth advises women to accept men for the perpetual adolescents we are. So women need to control those whom the myth promises are within their power to influence: other women. Women learn to slut-shame and ostracize the miniskirt-wearers whom they see as sexual rivals; men get let off the proverbial hook.”

Schwyzer’s words are important as many of us ladies have either been the subject of shame or have shamed others for their style of dress.

I wear skirts and dresses as well as pants; and I don’t consider my garb to be too revealing. I have certainly witnessed women who wear clothing that I deem too risque, however, I understand that the choice is theirs and not mine.

Flip on MTV and you will see women bumping and grinding in clubs, dancing with barely-there clothing. A woman’s decision to wear such things may vary. It may certainly be out of competition with other women; it could be that they crave attention; it could be that they feel sexual and gratified when wearing such things; the clothing may make up for insecurity or perhaps the motivation has nothing to do with validation from others at all.

Regardless of the reasons, sisterhood is lost when we inherently believe that a woman’s dress code equates to her determination of character. Sisterhood is also lost when we believe that a woman “deserves what she got”, when she is abused by men who believe a woman was “asking for it” when she was doing nothing of the sort. Sisterhood dissipates when women submit to the myth that men cannot control themselves and therefore competitiveness is necessary.