Awareness
I have always thought of myself as an introspective person. Someone who is not afraid to examine emotions. But I have been researching the concept of living with intention and I have learned some interesting things.
While I have been attempting to incorporate ideas about living with intention, I had not given thought to becoming aware of intentions that I already have. I realize now it is important to consciously (not just passively) becoming aware of my intentions. This leads to a continuous process of taking responsibility for choices. I always figured that I was a humble person who took responsibility for actions that caused positive or negative reactions from others. But what about myself? What about emotions that I create within myself?
According to author and wellness instructor Gary Zukav, the act of simply recognizing when I am fearful, angry, frustrated, jealous, etc, is not enough. It is important to reach deeper to the various parts of my personality. Once I become familiar with the physical responses to these emotions I can more easily ride myself of emotions and energies that I do not wish to experience.
In my personal life and in my academic and professional life I have witnessed how facing emotions can be difficult as many can be painful. It is a constant reminder that painful emotions offer opportunities to grow and overcome. My current reading has emphasized the idea that any frightened part of the personality is an area that needs healing. For example...when I am resentful or hurt by people in my past I must confront this in a way that allows me to make changes within myself rather than focusing on how I have been betrayed. Not easy!
I think there are times when cerain emotions are too fresh or intense that it is best to avoid thinking of them until one can truly focus. However, I also think that we often avoid feelings in order to escape having to deal with them at all. These feelings can relate to traumatic events in our histories of difficulties we have with judgment, forgiveness, compassion, etc. I have current challenges. Like I mentioned earlier, I always felt thought that I was pretty aware of my feelings. I have never avoided pain through numbing, or unhealthy distractions. However, personal growth is a life long process and I am no where near done.
Growing older does not automatically translate to becoming wiser. I remember having a relationship with a man who said that he looked forward to old age as by then he would "have it all figured out". Well let me pose a question. Ever meet someone from your past who has not changed much from the last time you saw them? Someone who seems to not have matured? It happens all the time and that is a scary prospect.
Challenging
According to author Gary Zukav, when you first challenge emotions..like anger (or frustrations) for instance...
"Everything becomes irate. Friends say things that make you angry. Your dreams show you the archetypal roots of your anger. You have the intention to heal your anger, and the universe* brings your anger up for you to challenge. Your anger has not increased. your awareness of it, and the number of opportunities that you have to challenge it have increased."
Challenging emotions does not mean that relief will come the first time you try it. It requires repetition.
*I do not agree with the concept of "The Universe" as an entity. I do however, believe that God challenges us.
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