Intercourse

For some time I had been reading mention of a woman named Andrea Dworkin. She was a big figure in the feminist anti-pornography movement. Being that this movement is so important to me I decided to finally seek out her most infamous book (written in the 80s) "Intercourse". I had read through the grapevine that this book receives much criticism as it supposedly conveys the idea that ALL intercourse is rape. I figured that this was just gossip from anti-feminists and that when I read the book myself I'd find meaning and value.

Weeell..
Hmm.
Where to start..
Andrea does seem to feel that all intercourse is rape. But let me back up a bit. I've got to say that I didn't enjoy her writing format. Throughout the book she would use examples of literature such as Tolstoy, Tennessee Williams, etc and then draw conclusions for said pieces of fiction. I wanted to hear examples of real life.

Throughout the book it is easy to see that she is raging throughout. This does not bother me but as I read it I began to feel the ghost (so to speak) 0f Valerie Solanas (author of S.C.U.M. manifsto aka Society for Cutting Up Men. Her story featured in the film I Shot Andy Warhol). I found myself agreeing with some of her statements and feeling frustrated by many others. I didn't want to be one of those people who think...well, she seems to hate men so something must have happened to her. Perhaps it's the therapist in me, but at a certain point I felt the need to set the book down and do a bit of reserach via the internet. Turns out she did suffer rapes, homelessness, was a prostitute for a while and later became a feminist activist.

I'm not quite sure why this book is held so high in some feminist circles. I have yet to explore her other works, but perhaps she is admired because she seemed to be fearless and one of the first people to really take initiative in the anti-porn movement.

It wasn't until I reached a chapter entitled "Possession" that I found some common ground with the author. My sentiments aren't as aggressive as hers and I will explain just what I agree with here. First, here is an excerpt from the above mentioned chapter.

Intercourse is commonly written about and comprehended as a form of possession or an act of possession in which, during which, because of which, a man inhabits a woman, physically covering her and overwhelming her and at the same time penetrating her; and this physical reaction to her - over her and inside her - is possession of her. He has her, or, when he is done, he has had her. By thrusting into her he takes her over. His thrusting into her is taken to be her capitulation to him as a conqueror; it is a physical surrender of herself to him; he occupies and rules her, expresses his elemental dominance over her, by his possession of her in the fuck.

The act itself, without more, is the possession. There need not be a social relationship in which the woman is subordinate to the man, a chattel in spirit or deed, decorative or hardworking. There need not be an ongoing sexual relationship in which he is chronically, demonstrably, submissive or masochistic, the normal fuck by a normal man is taken to be an act of invasion and ownership undertaken in a mode of predation: colonizing, forceful (manly) or near violent; the sexual act that by its nature makes her his.

This may seem extreme to some but I think that feeling might dissipate once examined more closely. A while back (on another blog site) I had written a blog entitled, "Their Power Tools". I'd say it is in a similar vein as Dworkin's words here.

I do not believe that ALL intercourse is rape or dominant in some way. However, I do think that many highly underestimate just what dominance can entail. I think that in our culture we are taught that a man gives and a woman receives. In my mind there is no truth to this and it is unfortunate that so many men and women subscribe to this myth. I believe that a man and woman both give and both receive. But in many areas of the media...literature, magazines, video pornography, etc. the idea is promoted that whatever penetrates is the one who is giving and dominant and whatever envelops is receiving and submissive.

The notion does not have to be carried over in overt ways for it to be true. A man who insists you call out his name in bed? That's an example of dominance right there. BDSM? Dominance. In the gay community there is often a distinction between a "bottom" and a "top." Dominance. A man who feels that it is he who is in control of your orgasm or that it is his responsibility alone? Dominance. A man who is obsessed with the size of his penis? Dominance. I personally would not want to be involved with a man who felt in any way that he is powerful when engaged in sexual activity. If a man feels honored to be intimate with a woman (and visa versa) there is an understanding that both are just as vulnerable and no dominance can occur.

I would also encourage men to examine just how they feel when they are penetrating a woman (with fingers, dildos, penis, etc). Is there ever an emotional vulnerability there? A feeling of humility and honor? I'm sure for some men the answer is yes. I do not think that all men are cackling and twisting their mustaches as they enter women. But I think it's important to examine where a person's inner sexism might lie. This goes for men and women alike. This goes for YOU and ME TOO!

Here is an an example of inner sexism. I've spoken with women who consider themselves to be feminists but can't seem to get rid of pesky rape or dominant fantasies in their heads. It takes an effort for them to swat them away whenever they enter. In talking with these people they have told me that they feel these thoughts enter their heads as society often supports the idea that women cannot be sexual unless they are submissive.

I do not have rape fantasies but I can relate to what my friends have told me. For example. I can recall feeling fearful during my very first relationship. I was fearful that he would interpret any pleasure I felt form his touch as validation of his manhood in some way. I made certain to remail silent as I did not want his ego to be blown out of proportion. Now just why would I feel this way at such an early age? Well look around. Haven't we all heard sexually demaning, demanding and aggressive talk from our friends or passerbys? Haven't we seen the car magazines with a woman in front? Haven't most of us (maybe?) heard of the infamous Hustler magazine cover of a woman being ground into a meat grinder?

For some of you perhaps this seems like an odd subject to bring up. Perhaps some of you cannot relate. But as a woman but more importantly a human being first, I am fearful of what patriarchy can bring into my bedroom.

I'd like to live in a world where sexuality is respected and honored. A world where heterosexual men understand that a woman's sexuality isn't summed up in how it relates to their own. That a woman (hopefully) has a sexual relation with herself and when a man is in the room she just happens to be sharing it just as the man is sharing his. I'd like to live in a world where a man is willing to stand a world where men are willing to walk out the door when their cronies turn on the porn. Why? Because otherwise I feel unsafe. Emotionally, mentally, physically unsafe. I'd like to live in a world where women are seen as equal...just as valuable in every area including the bedroom.

How about you?