More and more I have been finding myself attempting to incorporate positivity and peace into my life. This is at times a challenge as I can be quite stubborn, (if there is any truth to horoscopes, I certainly live up to the stubborness of my Taurus sign...sometimes it's a good thing, sometimes it's not) and I am more so a pessimist.
Without disclosing too much about my own personal struggles, I will say that maintaining a positive outlook has at times been difficult. Additionally, it can be difficult to adopt a positive attitude when there are so many horrors in the world. Homelesness, poverty, murder, war, famine, addiction, etc. We all have our own struggles in life and I have gone through many transformations.
Joy is a concept that intrigues me. I also think that there are occassions when sadness is important to acknowledge. I think it is important to go through pain rather than to avoid it at all costs. I am an advocate of introspection, reflection and analyzing, and I think joy and sadness are lessons we learn from. However, I know what it's like to dwell and it can certainly be toxic.
I am not striving for complete happiness or joy but rather for a sense of betterment. I think that one way in which we can allow positivity to come into our lives is to trust that everything happens for a reason. Some call this fate, others call it the universe; I call it God. When something negative happens I try to reassure myself that everything will work out in the end and I just have to go through the middle part. While that period of time may be turbulent and even painful there will be an end to it all.
I remember when a friend of mine used to tell me, "this too shall pass." I hated it when he said that to me. It just seemed so empty. However, at one point I really tried to sit down with that thought. He was right. I have found that thinking positively (which doesn't mean that you are perky and peppy as a cheerleader, but rather open to the possibility that maybe things won't come crashing down...that just maybe something okay wil come out of it) can actually train the mind to better handle future misfortunes. While the idea of trusting that everything happens for a reason may intellectually make sense, it is another effort entirely to put it into practice. One has to be ready for it.
As I age I am finding that I simply do not have the energy to put up with certain things anymore. There are attitudes from other people that I cannot tolerate whether it be on a very personal or broad level. Additionally, there are attitudes of my own that can be difficult to live with.
I do my share of complaining and when I am fearful or stressed I may choose to express a certain amount of discomfort with a friend who I think may be able to tolerate it. It helps to listen to feedback, constructive criticism, encouragement, and empathy. Ever notice that sometimes your friends may tell you things that you already know? I find that it helps to hear it from someone else sometimes.
It is sometimes during these moments when I think how incredibly sad it is that so man men find themselves unable to express themselves to their male friends. Most of the men I know feel that if they do not have a trusted female in their lives, they opt to keep feelings inside. I know I am somewhat veering off topic here, but it is something that profoundly concerns me.
Moving on...
Life is hard. I believe that it is not meant to be easy. When we reach our goals and things seem to be sailing smoothly it is important to practice humility and understand that anything can be taken away from us in an instant. There are indeed things taht are beyond our control. My current practice is to attempt to be mindful. To put things into perspective. This is not to say that I have escaped poor habits of dwelling in pain or resentments. I certainly have a long-ong way to go!
At times I become frustrated with myself and wonder if I'll ever get passed certain things. But then the next day comes..or the next hour..and I feel something new and different. The world OWES me nothing, people OWE me nothing. But when kindness is given I feel blessed that it has occurred. I must remind myself that I am but a humble human being who does not deserve anything simply because I consider myself to be a good person. No one is 100% or 100% bad. I think we are not due happiness but it is something that we can certainly strive for as it is ours for the taking if we want it. I believe that happiness is a lesson to be learned (I also think that some people are born happier than others. And even those that are quite happy naturally have trials ahead of them). More joy and less shame. That is what I am after. Less self-hatred. Something that we all practice ad times...and yes I do mean PRACTICE. I do believe that self-love can be acheived without arrogance. It is a balance that one must discover for themselves.
So, here I am..taking a crack at positivity.
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