Beautiful Boys

Being that I am at an age where people around me are either talking about having babies or having them, I got to thinking about how our children are raised. Having a child is a huge responsibility and I would think it would be difficult not only because it is a lot of work and stress but I imagine that implimenting values that are important to the guardians must be difficult to maintain in such a discriminating world.

Throughout the years I've worked a lot with kids (ages ranging from infancy to 17). Throughout my time in behavioral health agencies, group homes and youth shelters I've been able to witness how sexism, racism and homophobia can set in at a young age. Obviously products of their environment...parents, family members, friends. At times I had been amazed by how the kids I've worked with can think critically and introspectively. At other times I was amazed at their lack of it.

I recall a conversation I had with a 14 year old boy who continuously used the phrase "that's so gay!". I remember how upset I was with him especially when he used words like "fag" and "faggot" around gay peers. I had difficulty accepting that my role was so limited. My role as an employee was not to change his belief system so completely but to convey the importance of respect towards others. My frustration didn't lessen when he'd follow me around insisting that being gay is "gross" and that there are "more straight people than gay people" but "lesbians are cool." I was also surprised that this particular boy so blatantly felt that men are supposed to be "macho" and "shouldn't cry."

Throughout the years I've dealt with many other boys and girls who share this set of beliefs. These experiences alaways sent me home with a terrible feeling in my chest and an intense need to vent and discuss with friends. At times I am able to sit down and think about issues calmly and intellectually and other times I want to scream out loud, "WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THE WORLD!?"

Often it turns out that the beliefs that the kids I've worked with subscribe to are not that far from the beliefs of their guardians. So, if a parent things that gay men and women are "gross" then it is likey that the fruit won't fall far from the tree.

In my exerience with young kids and teens, the boys I've worked with had a tendency to be more opposed to the idea of homosexuality than the girls. Although, I'm sure there is a fair percentage of girls who do not approve of homosexuality, I can't help but think that the way we raise boys in comparrison to girls, has an impact on one's open mindedness.

Homosexuality in our culture is often viewed as being a weakness when it comes to gay men and an erotic notion when it comes to gay women. I strongly suspect that if boys were taught from the get-go that that is no one type of masculinity, then they would be more accepting of people who seem different from them.

Our boys are beautiful but our culture treats them differently. Our guardians raise them to fit a certain mold. They then end up discriminating against others and setting a standard for themselves that is damaging.