Breasts at the Gym

So, I was at the gym huffing and puffing on an eliptical machine when I overheard some guy trying to get the attention of the guy next to him. He told his buddy to take a look at a blonde woman with huge breasts. I felt violated as I turned to watch these two guys snicker, stick their tongues out and making squeezing motions with their hands.

Soon enough I saw the woman they were speaking of. She did indeed have huge breasts. I myself was amazed at the size of them. However, I didn't feel the need to stare intensely and didn't appreciate the ogling of these two men. I also didn't appreciate that one of them said to the other, "Now you know she wants people to look!"

Although, I was frustrated, this sparked some thought. I think it is dangerous and inappropriate to assume that a woman want the attention of others based on what she is wearing. I'm sure there are indeed women who wear skimpy outfits to gain attention. However, how can you really tell the difference between the ones who want attention from men (or women) and those who want to wear an outfit simply because it makes them feel good.

Skimpy outfits are not my personal style and I am not promoting them. Nor am I saying that women should wear nothing but turtle necks. But I recognize taht the reasoning behind skimpy outfits don't always have to do with drawing in others. I should also add that those who do want to deaw in the opposite or same sex may only want minimal attention and not intense objectification. So, while a person may want another to look, that does not mean that they necessarily want more than that.

I think many men and women alike subsribe to the notion that men MUST look. I don't think this is that case at all. This is a classic case of the myth of male weakness.

Recently I read a blog post from a feminist author that dealt with exactly this topic. The author stated that attraction to breasts is not universal as tehre are many cultures in which women are topless and the extent to which people are stimulated is often influeced by our specific culture. I agree.

I'm sure many find it easier to accept the "boys will be boys" theory. Unfortuantely, I think most accept it to be true.

I think it is important for men (and women) to take responsibility for themselves. If we know that leering at a man or woman might make someone feel uncomfortable then that's when we must use our self control. I am not suggesting that men can never gaze at women they are attracted to (or that women can never gaze at men they are attracted to) but there are is a distinct difference between an appreciative look and a contiued offensive, objectifying stare.

When I saw that woman in the gym I stared at her as well. It was a car wreck situation that I felt I couldn't help but look at. I knew that I was observing her rather than leering as I am not sexually attracted to women. However, the reality is that I could have looked away if I wanted to. Am I excluded because I am a heterosexual woman? I don't think so. So, I guess I need to practice what I preach.

The focus of the blog is the straight man. I think that it isn't absurd to want to expect more from men. Of course for some men expecting more of themselves means that they will need to practice change. While many may think that this is asking too much, I on the other hand think it is insulting to suggest that a man is controled by his penis rather than he being in control of it.