Four Letter Word

"Fuck" is a word I often dislike. Admittedly it is a word that has slipped from my lips during moments of catharsis. If I stub my toe, drop something delicate, or make a spontaneous mistake of some kind, the word might pop out. It is rare however, that I will swear in daily conversation as I find there are more intelligent words to choose from. My issue with "the f word" is when it is used in a dominant and aggressive fashion....which is most of the time.

When used in sentences such as "I fucked her/him last night" or "we fucked", I can't help but cringe. My reaction might seem strange as this type of language is quite common. My issue is that when used this form, the word becomes violent, violating, dominating and suggestive of another party portraying the submissive.

"Attenton to the meaning of the central male slang term for sexual intercourse - "fuck" is instructive. To fuck a woman is to have sex with her. to fuck someone in another context...means to hurt or cheat that person. And when hurled as a simple insult the intent is denigration and the remark is often a prelude to violence or the threat of violence. Sex in Patriarchy is fucking. That we live in a world in which people continue to use the same word for sex and violence and then resist the notion that sex is routinely violent and claim to be outraged when sex becomes overtly violent, is a testiment to the power of Patriarchy."
-----------Excerpt from The Will To Change: Men, Masculinity and Love by Bell Hooks


To "fuck" is also suggestive of sex that is empty and devoid of intimacy. It translates to sex in which one or two parties are using the other. This may be what some are indeed looking for and therefore the word "fuck" may actually be appropriate.


"Loving sexual intimacy...expresss care and appreciation. It is mutual giving, not taking. It is an area in which individuals nurture each other rather than exploit each other. In loving sexual intimacy, sexual partners are not interchangeable. They are unique in their histories, aptitudes, struggles and joys. They empathize, they are interested in each other. They use physical intimacy to deepen their emotional intimacy...they are commited to growing together."
--------------------Excerpt from Heart of the Soul by Gary Zukav