Today I was much busier than I wanted to be on a Sunday. I did a lot of driving today and I took along with me a Regina Spektor cd entitled "Begin To Hope".
I began listening to and then repeating and repeating a song called "On the Radio". For the most part the song is pretty upbeat however, there are lyrics that seemed to take a hold of my tear ducts. I could not help but think of my friend whom I lost this past week. The lyrics that grabbed me the tightest are as follows..
This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath
Now, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again
Regina Spektor sings On the Radio at Lollapalooza August 4th, 2007
I began crying in the car and I truly didn't care who saw me. I think the velocity of music seems to conjure emotion and it was my aid today. When I had finally returned home however, I was beat. I didn't think I did that much crying but it did tire me out. My body felt like it had been run through the wringer. I took an hour nap and when I woke I felt sick to my body and sick to my brain. I know however, that ultimately the crying was necessary.
I am humbled by this whole experience. I wish I could reach out to my friend wherever he is and let him know what he's putting me through.
I want my friend back...
Let the tears flow...
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