The Art of Happiness

EXCERPTS FROM THE ART OF HAPPINESS BY THE DALAI LAMA and HOWARD C. CUTLER, M.D.

[The Dali Lama explains that happiness can be acheived through training the mind. The mind can be trained through the practice of compassion, patience and tolerance.]

Compassion

The Dalai Lama says that when people speak of compassion, some confuse compassion with attachment. The kind of compassion where attachment is the focus consists of the feeling of controlling someone, or loving someone so that person will love you. This biased type of compassion is unstable. While one may feel connected to a person who offers this sort of compassion. Perhaps if this friend one day disappoints you, you may not think that he/she is a friend anymore.

Compassion that is free from attachment is considered genuine compassion. It is not based on attachment but the notion that all people have feelings, desires and goals just like you. When one focuses on the commonality of others one can develop a sense of closeness with others. Then you can feel compassion regardless of whether you view the other person as a friend of an enemy. "It is based on the other's fundamental rights rather than your own mental projection."

Resistence to Change
"All things are under the power or influence of other factors. So, at any given moment, no matter how pleasant or pleasurable your experience may be, it will not last. This becomes the basis of category of suffering known in Buddhism as the 'suffering of change'. If we define our self-image in terms of what we used to look like or in terms of what we used to be able to do and can't do now, it is a pretty safe bet that we won 't grow happier as we grow older. Sometimes, the more we try to hold on the more grotesque and distorted life becomes.

Suffering

According to Buddhist thought, the root causes of suffering are ignorance, craving and hatred.

Refusal to accept suffering as a natural part of life can lead to viewing oneself as a perpetual victim and blaming others for our problems.

Shifting Perspective

"If you look from a different angle, then surely the person who caused this anger in you will have a lot of other positive aspects, positive qualities. If you look carefully, you will also find that the act which has made you angry has also given you certain opportunities, something which otherwise would not have been possible, even from your point of view. So with effort you'll be able to see many different angles to a single event."

"Generally speaking, once you're already in a difficult situation, it isn't possible to change your attitude simply by adopting a particular thought once or twice. Rather it's through a process of learning, training and getting used to new viewpoints that enables you to deal with the difficulty."

Enemies

The Dalai Lama states that an enemy is necessary for practicing patience. One should be grateful for the chance to practice patience and tolerance. Hatred prevents one from developing compassion and happiness.

"Every one of us can develop this same suppleness of mind. It comes about, at least in part, directly through our efforts to stretch our perspective and deliberately try on new viewpoints. The end result is a simultaneous awareness of the big picture as well as our individual circumstances. This dual outlook, a concurrent view of the "big World" and our own "Little World" can act as a kind of triage, helping us separate what is important in life from what isn't."

"Life today is characterized by sudden, unexpected and sometimes violent change. A supple mind can help us reconcile the external changes going on all around us. It can also help us integrate all of our internal conflicts, inconsistencies and ambivalence. Without cultivating a pliant mind, our our look becomes brittle and our relationship to the world becomes characterized by fear. But by adopting a flexible, malleable approach to life, we can maintain our composure even in the most restless and turbulent conditions."

"When someone angers us we can look at that person as someone who has positive qualities just as we do. Someone who is not 100% bad. Additionally, if we understand that they have feelings and emotions and people that care about them....a pulse, blood running through them...if we focus on their humanity and the humility of human beings we are less focused on anger."

Self-Confidence

"The more honest you are, the more open the less fear you will have, because there's no anxiety about being exposed or revealed to others. So, I think that the more honest you are, the more self confident you will be"

(I very much agree with this sentiment. I have often thought that it is better not to lie to others because then you never have to go back and remember what you said. Hiding things...even things we are insecure about takes a lot of effort. And I have noticed that it can be a freeing feeling to just be honest about short-comings so as not to have to pretend that you are more than you are. This does not offer an excuse to give up...but lets others know that you are who you are...that this is where you are currently in life...and you may indeed be striving for higher ground. It's not always an easy practice but I've found it to be effective)

Self-Hatred

"We can directly counteract thoughts of self contempt by reminding ourselves that no matter how much we may dislike some of our characteristics, underneath it all we wish ourselves to be happy, and that is a profound kind of love. "

"Reminding ourselves of the great qualities we share with all human beings acts to neutralize the impulse to think we're bad or undeserving. Many Tibetans do this as a daily meditation practice. Perhaps that's the reason why in Tibetan culture self-hatred never took hold."

(When interviewed by the co-author of this book, the Dali Lama was surprised to hear that so many people indulge in self-hatred. According to Buddhist thought we as humans often love ourselves too much. Too much in the sense that we are often very selfish and self-centered.)

True Spirituality

"So, for the most part, my practice involves reminders - reviewing the importance of compassion, forgiveness, all these things."

"True spirituality is a mental attitude that you can practice at any time. For example, if you find yourself in a situation which you might be tempted to insult someone then you immediately take precautions and restrain yourself from doing that. Similarly, if you encounter a situation in which you may lose your temper, immediately you are mindful and say, 'No, this is not the appropriate way.' That actually is a spiritual practice. Seen in that light, you will always have time."

*Just because I have posted a blog on this topic does not mean that I have mastered any of these suggestions. I think it takes a life time. As a Christian gal, I have found that these theories have enhanced my faith and practice. There are some aspects of Buddhist thought that I actually do not agree with.*